Consumed || Shawn Mendes ||

Ibiza

I quickly snapped a picture of the beautiful cave that was in front me as the small speed boat began to come to a slow stop. Once i got the perfect shot i quickly posted it onto my Instagram feed. #WhenInIbiza

As the clear sky and beautifully beaming sun kissed over my oil sleek skin, i laid my head back onto my pillow and closed my eyes letting the sun bake me good. I needed this. A break. A breather. Even though i was with 8 other strangers i practically had the boat to myself as everyone jumped into the water to swim and explore the beautiful reef life down below. All couples, i was the only single one. Story of my life.

As my eyes began to get heavy my subconscious began to wander to the place i had been avoiding for a week.

Him.

After Turin's concert and meet and greet my mind had became so absorbed with him.

His hands. On my back, my wrist, around my waist, the way his veins flexed around his hands in such a relaxed manner. How soft they felt in a delicate but not to delicate way.

His eyes. Brown. Sincere. Penetrating my soul with just a gaze. That beautiful slight lazy eye.

His lips. Kissable. Tempting. The way he licked his lips just because. His bottom lip looking so welcoming for me to nibble on.

I caught myself biting my lips just imagining the things i really shouldn't be. 

I caught this sudden urge. I opened my eyes and i had to check out his social media. So i did. He didn't post a lot other then his pictures of the shows, thanking the city he was in at the moment. I needed more. So i went to his tagged pictures and that is when i saw so many pictures and videos of him, some old some new. I smiled and this rush came over me, Just seeing him on my screen it made my heart flutter. It didn't make sense to one part of me but another part made it all feel right. I clicked on the most recent looking pictures of him with fans and that's when i found myself on a fan update account. They had literally like every single update on him and everything surrounding him. I scrolled though the update page looking at the most recent photo they had posted a few hours ago.

 He was in Vienna. 

There was about pictures of him with fans outside his hotel. I couldn't stop myself from looking at the lucky fans. Then i was her. The crazed fan. There she stood with her head nested on the crook of his long neck and she had her lower face covered and he had a tight lipped smile. He looked cozy in his black pullover cross fit sweater and a black dad hat that was turned towards the back of his head. He looked tired a little. I then found myself reading the comments and i found her Instagram account. She was a fan account herself.  She was a lot more intense than i imagined based off our small encounter in Turin. Her account honestly made me cringe for her and for Shawn truthfully. She was like everything Shawn and her like if they were truly in a relationship and the sicker part was that she had a fan base of her own who supported this madness. I didn't even has any of my pictures with Shawn on my account. My account was more on the inspirational quotes and pictures of the few places i had been with maybe two to three selfies of myself. 

Impulsive then seemed to kick in as i was in my photo gallery looking over mine and his meet and greet pictures. I decided on one and i posted it with a simple caption : His hugs are simply the best <3 and tagged him in it. I then placed my phone back down in my small tote bag. Already my self consciousness was beginning to taunt me. I need to distract myself from myself. I removed my shades and i quickly went to the ledge of the boat and i did a swimmers dive into the cool clear water. Allowing the water to wash over me and ever insecurity that was beginning to process in my mind. I kept swimming straight down until i felt like i needed air. Once i came up for air i felt refreshed. relaxed and refined. 

I got out of the water climbing up the white ladder on to the boat and i felt eyes on me. As i looked up i saw one of the couples boyfriend slickly checking me out. I quickly raised my eyebrow at him and pushed my wet hair back. He realized he had gotten caught and he turned back to his oblivious girlfriend who was lost in her phone. She looked up to watch me as i walked past them to the area where i was originally sitting. As i took my towel out and threw it around my body and sat down i grabbed my phone and i quickly snapped a picture of myself smiling with my eyes closed and showing my straight white teeth. Captioning it : Smile its a beautiful thing xoxo. 

Once i uploaded i realized all these notifications and i went to them. Quickly i saw how much my Shawn picture had blown up in a matter of maybe 25 mins. Too many comments to even beginning reading, a bunch of follows from fan accounts and i assume fans of his trying to snoop and countless tags that accounts had used my picture for. I placed my phone down and i looked up and saw the girlfriend to the lurking looking at me smiling. 

Like she knew. 

and then i saw received another alert. As i looked at the notification on my screen it was a comment under my recently posted selfie. 

"You're breathtaking love." 

It was the Greek god.