Consumed || Shawn Mendes ||

Why?

The weather was feeling like June and I was loving it.
Today was my day off and I decided after working out in the gym hard, that I could use a beach day.

After two hours looking for a parking spot, I was laying on my towel and letting the sun bake me. This was truly California living. I loved it. The people everywhere tanning, walking, playing sports and the music flowing it all felt just heavenly.

The past few weeks I had really just disconnected from social media, I needed to get him out of my system. It was for the best, he was taking over my life again. I saw myself looking at flights for his soon to be upcoming tour in Portland and I instantly had to step away from my phone and take a run to get that impulsive urge out my system. When that didn't work I called the Greek god and he instantly made me forget about anything Shawn, the only way I wanted and needed. Just like clock work he called me. I swear it was like he had tap on my thoughts. I quickly answered his call and we got lost in our conversations as I caught a tan. Sometimes it felt like we were in a relationship, but we weren't even though he would bring it up occasionally and I would quickly change the subject. I enjoyed whatever it was we had and I didn't want to make it complicated.

The sun was beginning to set as i started heading towards my car, feeling sluggish, tired, tanned and extremely hungry. I decided to drive to my favorite burger spot and treat myself. I threw my sandy things into the trunk as i threw on some cutoff shorts and my tube top. Tying my beach waved curls into a bun and getting into my car. As i drove down the palm tree road i felt great, like i hadn't in such a long time. I loved this feeling so much. I just hope that it was permanent, because i always had this bad luck at being happy for such a long period of time. Before my subconscious could creep in and ruin my mood i turned the radio on and blared the stereo loudly to 'Beautiful' by Bazzi, i began singing the lyrics out loudly with my windows down just enjoying the great day i was having.

I got to the burger spot and it was heavy traffic of people and they had even added a small section for a bar i was assuming. The music was playing so loudly as more people headed to the bar with their food and drinks in hand to enjoy the music. I parked my car in the small lot they owned on the corner of the same street once someone drove out of that spot. I walked out of my car quickly feeling under dressed for the atmosphere  of the burger now bar spot.  I went into my trunk and found my jean jacket and put it on too make me less self conscious. Thank god i had it in there. I started my short decent to the burger spot.

When i walked in i was instantly greeted with the smell of seasoned meat and fries cooking, the burger shop hadn't changed much from my last visit many years ago. The red booths still standing and the small like glass dividers between the middle booths. It felt like home. I headed to the cashier and i knew exactly what it was i wanted. Double cheese burger, fries and a vanilla milk shake with three cherries on top. It felt nostalgic being here now as an adult, remembering spending my youth years here in the summer with my mom whenever we would come visit my godmother in the summer. Then flashing back to my last year here before she died and how my godmother was having the talk with me about preparing for the drastic change that was about to come in my life. The pit feeling i dreaded was coming as i remembered our last meal here before my world fell apart. I quickly wiped the single tear and i shook my self out of that all to familiar hole i was about to seep down into. Thankfully my number was called, bringing me out of that dark place, i took my tray and headed towards the small outside patio to eat, i couldn't be inside it was now suffocating me with memories i didn't want anymore.

I was disgustingly satisfied, leaving half a burger and very few fries. I drank the last of the milkshake as i let out a deep and full sigh. I was now watching as the crowd grew larger into the bar and the music was so much more louder. I wondered what made the owner add a bar like section to the shop? But it was cool i can honestly admit, i was just used to the way it was originally was. But it did have appeal and i was thoroughly intrigued with what it looked like more inside. But i was honestly too much in a food coma to even make an attempt at this moment. Maybe later. I started scrolling through my phone, suddenly missing my Instagram. I then decided to reopen my page and when i did my first post was a shot of the food before i had devoured it of course. #FoodieLife . I then went to the Greek gods page and liking all the pictures i had miss while on my hiatus. I then noticed a picture of myself from one of the many many selfies he would love me to send too him. I read the caption "WomanCrushEveryday", it made me blush. The comments where all cheeky and cute a few angry woman who weren't to approving that he had a woman on his page that wasn't them. I quickly found myself commenting, "Your the best babe ;)". i exited the app and i was getting up to throw my trash out and as i walked to the trash it happened.

I saw him.

My heart stopped momentarily and started back again. I slowly slide the tray in the trash throwing my garbage out that sat on top of it and placed it on top of the small like shelf. I never broke eye contact with the sight of him. He didn't see me he was casually leaning over a table talking with a beautiful red head who was practically throwing herself at him. He had on a dad hat, with a long sleeve very fitted white shirt that fit him all the right places. What was it with men in white? Well mainly my guys? my guys? whatever. He started to stand up as one of his friends called out to him and he turned his head to them and for a moment he seemed to see me but he went to look over at his friends. My heart seemed to break a little when he didn't seem to even notice me? Not the he should, i mean who was i to him? None. He probably couldn't even remember me from almost two months ago. I turned to leave the patio area it was time for me to make the drive back home. As i walked through the now jam pack crowd that was stuffed in the now very busy burger joint i silently began cursing myself out for even caring that he didn't notice me. I finally got out the shop and i began walking towards the parking lot in the beautifully cool like June air. Once i got into my car i plugged my phone into my car charger when it notified me of a Instagram notification, opening the message portion of the app i instantly saw who it was.

Shawn Mendes: hey im not sure if that was you i just saw in a burger spot, im hoping it was because if not this is completely embarrassing. But if it was it was great seeing you, i guess ha. You look great. I wish we could've caught up and talk about London. <3 x

The only thing i could yell loudly in my locked car was "WHY?!"