Consumed || Shawn Mendes ||

Night One.

As i stood in front of the fogged mirror of my hotel shower, I wiped the mirror and was greeted by my own reflection. I looked more relaxed after all the exploring i had done, from BIG BEN to ending up in a small shop like boutique and purchasing a beautiful deep red romper that was backless for the show tonight. I wanted to look the part if i was going to be backstage and all. My subconscious hadn't attacked me much after the awkward brunch Shawn and i had.

But right now she was gnawing so hard at the back of my mind.

I quickly turned away from my reflection and headed into the bedroom to get dress. I had told Shawn i would just meet him there, being the fact he had a million things to do before his show. I really just needed space for a moment, everything just seemed to much like a dream or cliche. I was having a hard time buying into everything.

I stood looking out my room window, getting lost in my own thoughts again. I hated when this happened, but sometimes i had to just ride it out and get to the end so i could be fine. I let the tears fall down my cheeks as i allowed the muffled whimpers to escape. My chest felt so heavy but with each tear and whimper i felt a slight release on my chest.

This was my life.

This was my secret.

After about three hours i was now here.

Sitting backstage with a bunch of production and crew members running around making sure everything was good for the show, I sipped on my water and just tried to blend in. That didn't help much. I got a few curious eyes and stares as to who i was or what i was doing back here. But i ignored it to my best ability.

After my emotional breakdown i told my subconscious sternly that tonight i was going to allow myself to live for tonight.

I took my phone out and i just played around with my social media. I looked over my Instagram and the posts i had posted of the places i covered early today while exploring. I had gotten a lot of likes and comments. It made me smile. I then posted the selfie i took in the bathroom of the hotel room before leaving with the caption: London Is Treating Me Good <3 I quickly gained a lot of hearts and comments, it made me feel reassuring and i smiled brightly at myself.

"Nice smile." I heard before i could see the person who's voice i heard. Shawn.

I looked up and i saw him, his one curl hanging over his forehead and that all to familiar smile show casing. I stood up and now we were face to face in a way. I didn't know if i should hug him, shake his hand or just what to do. I decided against anything, i just crossed my arms against my chest and gave a quick smile. This was awkward again.

"The show is about to start soon, so we can walk together towards the side stage before i have to go on." He said stepping back and waving his hand out for me to step with him so we could start walking to our destination. I put one foot in front of the other breaking the imaginary cement that i felt on feet. I was nervous, i was feeling the butterflies all the way down to my toes. But i fought against it until it became natural again. It wasn't to long of a walk to the stage thankfully my feet were beginning to hurt me. I was instantly regretting wearing heels.

Once we got there i could see the huge amount of fans screaming waiting for him. It was truly a sight. I could see what the hype was in this moment. It was a rush for me and i wasn't even going to be up on stage. He looked a bit nervous and he fidgeted with his pink ring, I quickly nudged him.

"You're gonna kill it, like you always do." He smiled and looked down as he started adjusting his guitar around his back. He closed his eyes for a moment and did a little jump to pep himself up and he ran out to the crowd. The screams boomed through the arena and it felt so electric, even for me.