Really? // Stenbrough

Chapter 3

Stan's PoV

"I don't hate Bill. I like him."

I could feel my face heat up and I looked anywhere but at Richie. My god, I can't believe I just told Trash Mouth that I liked Bill. Fuck, I'm screwed.

"Wait wait. Let me get this straight." He paused and smiled. I rolled my eyes at his 'joke'. "You like Bill but you told us you hate him. Why?"

"I can't like Bill. It's against my religion and if my dad finds out I am so fucking screwed. So, I tell myself I hate him, hoping these feeling will go away. But it's not working."

I sat down on the ground, putting my arms on my knees and my head on my arms.

"So you're gay, but can't be?" Richie asked taking a seat next to me.

I nodded my head.

"But why can't you be gay just cause you're Jewish?"

"Because, the Torah forbids homosexual acts. And before you ask, no my dad will not make an exception for his own son. He's been telling me since I could talk, that homosexuality is bad. And anyone who is gay is not a man, he's less than a man. If he found out about me, I'll be kicked out." I explained.

Fresh tears sprung into my eyes and I quickly wiped them away. Unfortunately, some leaked out and that made more run down. Great, I was crying in front of Richie.

He pulled me into a side hug. With his arm around me, I cried into his shoulder. I never break down in front of anyone. Never. It's always in my shower so no one can hear me.

"You've gotta help me Richie." I sobbed, my voice cracking.

He patted my arm in a comforting way.

"I'll try. I don't exactly know how."

That just made me cry harder.

"Hey now. You stop crying so we can figure this out." Richie said.

Why the hell was he being so nice to me? He barely knows me and I literally told one of his friends I hated him because I can't accept my feelings. I'm a horrible person.

I started to calm myself and I soon stopped crying. I sat up straight and wiped away an remaining tears.

"What-what am I gonna do?" I asked.

"Tell your dad." Richie casually said.

"Are you fucking crazy?"

"No-yes but not about this. Write him a letter. Tell him how you feel and if he disowns you, you can live with me."

Live with Richie? Probably better then living where I am now. Plus, it would be nice. I'd have a brother, parents who accept, and a loving home. Everything I'm deprived of now.

But do I really wanna tell my dad how I feel? It's so risky. He could decide to let me live in his house but he could be very mean to me. What if he takes his anger out on me?

"Fine." I mumbled.

Richie jumped up. How does he have to much energy?

"Yay! Now let's go write it."

He took my arm and pulled me to my feet and started dragging me back towards the cabins.

"Do we have to do it now?" I whined.

I really don't want this summer to start off horrible. I mean, it already is. Guess it won't matter.

"Yes. Because then if he kicks you out, which I'm sure he won't." I rolled my eyes. "We can talk to my parents and have you live with me."

"But it's literally the first day of camp, I don't want my summer to be ruined." I mumbled.

"It won't be ruined. Stop being dramatic."

He continued to drag me to my cabin, cabin 3. We walked in and luckily Bill was not in there. I walked to my desk and pulled out some paper and a pencil.

"What should I write?" I asked, looking at Richie.

He furrowed his eyebrows. "Umm. How about, Dear dad, I'm gay. From, your very gay son-Stanley."

I whacked his shoulder since he was smiling.

"This is serious Richie."

"I know. Just write what I said minus the 'your very gay son' part."

It thought it over. It was short and right to the point. But I knew I had to add more before it so he doesn't just think I wanted to go to camp just to bang a dude.

I started writing and eventually finished. My letter consisted of how the counselors seem nice and the scenery was beautiful. How I had already made a friend. And then I wrote what Richie said. That I was gay. I apologized in my letter even though I'm not sorry I'm gay. But it felt right to put that in there. I signed it Stanley, and sealed it.

I looked up at Richie and he nodded. We walked in silence to the main building. I put it in the to mail slot and sighed. I did it. I came out to my father.

What did I just do?

I saw Richie waving his hand in front of my face. I didn't realize I had zoned out.

"Sorry. I'm gonna go back to my cabin."

Richie nodded and we walked back to our cabins. He walked in his and I walked into mine.

I walked in to see Bill sitting in his bed. My breathing hitched. I knew I had to say something. I didn't want him to think I actually hated him.

"Bill," I started to say. He looked up at me and I saw his eyes were red and puffy. Had he been crying because I said I hated him? God I feel awful.

"Why do you hate me?" He asked once he realized I had stopped talking. His voice was even and had a hint of anger in it.

"I-i don't hate you per se."

God I am really bad at explaining things. Why can't I just fucking tell him I like him? I literally just told my dad I'm gay, so why can't I tell Bill. I know he's gay so it should be easier.

"Just tell me! Please. Is it because I'm ugly or too fat or am I annoying. Not kind enough. Is it because I'm gay. Are you homophobic and just hate me because I like the same sex?" He rambled out possible reasons why I could hate them and I didn't stop him. Everything he was saying was wrong.

He's beautiful and the perfect size. He isn't annoying and he's very kind. He doesn't hate anyone and is nice to everyone. And no, it's not because he's gay. I'm gay too. Gay for you.

But why couldn't I just say this to him? Why am I not saying anything. Speak you dumb fuck.

"No-." I stared to say. I was going to say it's not because he's gay. I was trying to tell him something but I didn't know how, but he interrupted me anyways.

"You know what? I don't care anymore. Whatever. Hate me all you want but I am leaving."

I just stood there while he grabbed some of his things. I stood there as he hit my shoulder on the way out the door. I stood there until I heard the door slam shut. Then I ran and flung myself on my bed.

I cried myself to sleep that night.

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Aww. I feel for Stan.

This chapter was a bit rough but I promise you it'll get better.

Hopefully.