Really? // Stenbrough

Chapter 35

Stan's PoV

Today is the last day of school before holiday break. I decided to wear blue jeans and an oversized black sweatshirt with my converse. I didn't really want to go, I was feeling really sad and unmotivated but it's the last day before break. Richie picked me up and I sat in the back of his truck so Eddie could sit in the front, just like I have been doing these last two and a half weeks.

I went to first block and sat down in my normal spot, I wanted to sit by Ben the day after everything that had happened, but he has a table partner now. But it's not like I would have to face him, he didn't show that day. He didn't show up any other day either.

I was very quiet that day and my friends noticed. They asked questions but I couldn't answer them, so I just told them I was tired and I was fine. They shut up eventually. These whole weeks have been a mess. I couldn't pay attention in my classes, I was always zoning out, and I barely talked.

I'm starting to think taking a break with Bill wasn't a good idea. Yeah he wasn't treating me right anymore but I still had him. Now I feel very lonely and sad. I miss him badly and it hasn't been that long.

I wonder how he's doing? Probably better then me.

Bill's PoV (bet ya didn't see that coming)

"No." I mumbled.

"Come on Billy, it's the last day until break. You need to catch up on your work. Just go." My mom told me.

"No." I mumbled again.

She sighed. "Fine. But you'll be home alone again, so call me at work if an emergency happens." She closed my door and left.

I tried to go back to sleep but couldn't, I hadn't gotten much sleep these past weeks either. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw Stan crying while I yelled at him. I'm such a fucking idiot. I shouldn't have used him to get back at my dad, I shouldn't have almost forced him to have sex, I shouldn't have yelled at him, and I shouldn't have done a lot of things. I should have talked to my dad, I should have listened to him, I should have paid more attention, and I should have loved him more.

I hate myself.

I rolled over in my bed and looked at the hole in my wall. I lifted my hand so I could see it, my mom had to clean it and now I've had to wrap it ever since. Apparently I had punched too hard. My knuckles were bleeding badly and now they're bruised, hurts like hell but it's fine.

I sat up in my bed and rubbed my eyes. I just wanted to lay in bed but my stupid bladder told me otherwise. I went to the bathroom and washed my hands before I walked back to my room. I was still wearing Stans sweatshirt, I meant to throw it away but now I can't find myself taking it off. I made my way over to my desk where I had hung all the drawings Stan had given me, on the wall.

I carefully took my favorite one down and held it. This one was very simple but it was absolutely gorgeous. I had taken a photo on my phone of Stan when we went to the field next to the quarry for one of our dates. I asked him to draw it and he was hesitant at first, he doesn't like drawing himself and told me to just print it out, but I told him I wanted him to draw it. He finally agreed and it turned out wonderful.

I'd been doing this a lot. Looking at his drawing, holding anything he had given me or left here.

I pinned it back up so I wouldn't get it wet from the tears that started to fall. I just stood there and cried for awhile, hugging myself as I shook. I deserved this. I hurt Stan so I should feel this way. I should feel 100 times worse then what he felt. I laid back down in my bed and eventually cried myself to sleep.

~~
"Bill, Bill. Hey wake up."

"No, let me sleep in my misery." I mumbled.

"Bill, Why are miserable?"

I opened my eyes to look at my younger brother. He's head was tilted sideways as he stared at me.

"For a reason I hope you never have to experience." I told him.

It must already be noon. The middle and elementary schools have a half school day instead of a full, like the high school. I can't believe I slept that long.

"Well dads home, maybe you can talk to him. He's old so he must have experienced whatever you're feeling. Want me to go get him?"

I shook my head. "No thank you Georgie. Just go play or something. I want to be alone."

He frowned. "Ok. I hope you feel better." He said before leaving my room.

I laid on my back and stared at the ceiling. I know I need to talk to my dad, I just don't know how. I don't even want to, but if it gets Stan back then I'll do it. But I know if I just talk and not get anything out of it, it won't help me and Stan. He'll know I just talked so we could get back together.

And I badly want to get back together. It's been almost three weeks and I can barely leave my room. And we aren't even broken up, we're only on a break! But I feel like that's worse, knowing he's still yours but you can't have him. It's horrible.

But it's my fault, I caused all this. I can't believe I even acted that way. That was so not like me. First I messed up with Georgie, and now I messed up with Stan. I obviously need to pay more attention to how I'm acting with the people around me.

"Bill, lunch is ready." My dad said after he knocked on my door.

"I'm not hungry." I responded.

"Holy moly, did he just speak to me?" He whispered to Georgie.

"He did. He said he's not hungry, but I am." Georgie said and I heard their footsteps disperse.

I smiled slightly. I was happy that I actually responded instead of rolling my eyes and not saying anything. Maybe talking to him won't be so hard.

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