After All • Calum Hood (Sequel to ISTTY)

1

When I found out about my pregnancy a lot of things changed, it was like someone switched my mind making me mature and raise awareness, my life really did a 180° spin but I can feel grateful for the people who was beside me, supporting me every step of the way. My parents turned my back on me and they wanted to kill Calum, they kicked me out of their house and I had to live in a flat where the four boys lived together, which led to a lot of problems and discussions, I wanted to have everything figured out and be independent as fast as possible but Calum was taking his time, he was poorly trying to figure things out, slowly. I used to sit and think: God, does this man even knows what having a baby implies? Definitely, when I was pregnant the person I wanted to see less was Calum, poor him. He tried his best and I just shut him down from me

About the university, I had to freeze the semester, I couldn't go back to London while I was pregnant and the father of my baby and our family were in Australia... Obviously, my parents wanted to kill me too, they thought that I left everything behind, even my future, to be with Calum. They didn't process the fact that I was indeed pregnant, it wasn't planed. Was it irresponsible? Yes

Luckily, Calum never doubted on being responsible from the first moment, even though we were negligent by becoming parents at such a young age, we assumed the consequences of our acts. About the boys, they always showed their support towards us, thing that I'll always appreciate, they never judged us... And I remember when the baby was a newborn, we all became a mess. Diapers everywhere, bottles, pacifiers, the baby took over the flat. The baby wouldn't stop crying, it was maddening, five persons trying to calm him down but nothing seemed to work, I tried to breastfeed him and that's what would work sometimes, but when it didn't, it only provided him strength to cry even more and louder.

I felt so tired, irritated, mad at Calum and myself. Why did we have this baby? I just wanted to quit, I felt incompetent, I thought I wouldn't be as good as my mom, that's when I started to doubt about everything. Did I made the right decision by keeping the baby? Because I felt like I didn't, I used to think that I brought this baby into life only for him to suffer. I wasn't a good mom, nothing relieved him, nothing kept him calmed. What if there was something wrong with him and I didn't noticed? I made Calum take us to hospitals on midnights a lot of times, I was worried about the baby. And in our way I used to reproach about a lot of things: "We live in a small room, in a flat with your friends" that was the most constant one. Why wouldn't he try to find a place for us? Did he think that we would live with his friends forever? I had savings, but I needed his help too, he's the father, I'm the mother. It's a mutual work, not only me.

Poor Cal, I really used to treat him so bad

You imagined that when he was born, It'd be pure love? No, I didn't even wanted to see Calum, without even realizing, I blamed him indirectly for putting me through all this, I blamed him for my back pains, my contractions, and even the birth pains. Luckily, one night when we were at the hospital waiting for the pediatrician, one doctor heard the way I expressed towards Calum, he approached us and started to ask me a lot of questions, he offered to see me instead of the baby... And the baby won't stop crying

What was going on? Postpartum depression, that's what happened. That's why I wanted to drop everything, that's why I felt incompetent, I tried to find someone to blame. The Dr. Adams helped me to get over what I was feeling, he helped me breath a fresher air. It was a matter of time for me to change my perspective on things, my lifestyle became better, my mood changed too. Calum always stayed beside me, even when I was the most annoying woman on earth, and that's something to be grateful for. Today we have such a strong relationship, we've grown, we've matured, we've changed our relationship for better. Having a baby not only made us mature as persons but as a couple too. Our relationship was growing strong