After All • Calum Hood (Sequel to ISTTY)

26

—Calum, what's wrong? Why you're here so early and with Wyatt?

I try to find the right words to explain but my brain wouldn't coordinate and my throat is starting to feel dry, the words won't come out of my mouth and my throat hurts more and more every time, my eyes start to flood with tears, I look down at my son trying to distract or calm myself but it wouldn't work, he was looking at me carefully while my eyes were about to explode, Ashton was looking at me too but he finally reacts and take Wyatt again from me, my palms cover my face and I start to sob uncontrollably, like a little kid, I was crying so much that I eventually run out of air, it was exasperating

—Madeleine? -he asks and I only nod without taking my palms off my face- it's okay, Cal, whatever it is you'll work things out. You're with Wyatt, try to calm down

—I feel like I'm about to explode -I confess- sorry to wake you up so early, mate -I try to calm down-

—It doesn't matter to me. What happened to you?

—Many things have happened through my mind. I feel like I'll die thanks to anxiety one of these days... Madeleine, she's just impossible sometimes, I don't understand her -I pause, trying to calm my breathing even more- the tour, also, that's something I should be totally happy of but I also am upset, I don't want to leave them alone. What if something's wrong? It'll stay on my mind forever thinking it's my fault for leaving... Madeleine's dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer and even though she tries to handle it pretty well, I feel like she's a walking mess and I can't do anything about it which is frustrating

—Okay, one step at the time -Ash says with a soothing voice- first of all, why you're with Wyatt, alone, so early?

I take a deep breath before answering

—I was at the airport with Maddy and Madeleine -he open his eyes wide-

—Maddy's leaving? -I nod- Oh... Well, continue

—An ex friend of Madeleine came, he came to Australia by surprise and tried to sabotage our relationship the little time he spent with us... We almost got in a fight but I gave up, because of Madeleine & Wyatt, the guy called her a whore or something like that -I could feel my blood boil again- today, when I took Maddy to the airport he shows up out of nowhere because he bought the same plane tickets as Maddy, the guy was sabotaging again but I didn't to anything because of Madeleine, the stress and anger was consuming me so I stormed out for like an hour. When I go back to where they where Madeleine & Maddy were still with that guy talking as if nothing ever happened. Before that, the guy told me that he had a reason to behave like that with Madeleine and she knew it, but she decided to ignore the comment which makes me doubt of her -Ashton was carefully listening to every single detail, while Wyatt was playing with Ashton's hands- I saw that Wyatt was waking up and well, I took him with me. Madeleine never stood up to see where were we going and as a matter of fact, she never wrote me -I take my phone out checking again, still no text-

—Cal, I understand how that situation can make you feel, it's almost normal that you doubt from situations like this, you're not used to this but don't let this go to your brain, remember that you have to keep composure, Madeleine's not only your girlfriend but the mother of your son, and knowing her, I highly doubt she'd put in danger her family over a one night stand, if that's what you're thinking -Ashton knows me so well too- Madeleine might be giving you space to cool off right now, she knows you're a good father and you'll take care of Wyatt, we all know the type of person you're. Now moving on with the tour, I understand you feel that way, but remember that is our dream, it's something in common between us, some sort of legacy you'll leave Wyatt, he won't be little his whole life, and he might end up going on tour with Madeleine and you, he'll be hella proud & happy to see his dad achieving his dreams -he pauses- Madeleine is a grown mature woman who can take care of herself but if you're so worried, they can stay at your parents' or hers since she's talking to them again. And, cancer? When did they found out?

—I don't know what to think, I try to control my emotions always and be this strong fundamental piece of the family but I've been feeling too much pressure and anxiety lately... Yes, cancer, stage 4 I think. Madeleine's mom reached out for her weeks before telling her about his father's illness, one day we went to their house for lunch and that's when they told her. His dad made me promise him that I'll take care of his daughter when he's gone -I feel a knot tying on my throat, so I stop talking-

—It's okay for you to drain sometimes, you're human, you can't carry the weight of the world on your shoulders... And that's what friends are for -he smiles- you'll always have a couple of ears here willing to listen to you whenever you need it.

—Thanks, mate -I smile-

—And did her dad made you promise that? Wow -he widens his eyes. Wyatt was playing with Ashton's shirt while drooling and babbling- it must have been hard for him to make you promise that... Preparing psychologically for leaving your daughter's side forever

I clear my throat and swallow, hoping my voice wouldn't break

—It's contradictory, because how do you leave your only daughter alone when she needed you the must? Of course Madeleine is trying to get over that part or pretend that it never happened, but it's something I won't be able to forget, there's a bit of resentment inside of me towards her parents for turning their back on her & mistreated her. Who was there for her, was me, I was the one who saw her crying over them

—The thing is that they're her parents and no matter what they do, she'll always love them, mate. And you have to move past that -Ash stands up with Wyatt on his arms- coffee?

—Yes -I say and follow him to the kitchen- I don't tell her anything about her parents, I just keep that for me, it's just the things I think

—It accumulates inside of you until it makes you explode -he hands me my son and continues to prepare the coffee-

—... Exactly, I think

Wyatt starts crying and I check the time, he was hungry, I go grab the necessary to prepare his bottle and come back to the kitchen, I make it and the feed him. We talked about more and more stuff, Ashton gave me a hundred advices and I'm grateful for it, that's the reason why I decided to come here.
We swapped the subjects and started talking about how Ashton developed a crush on Maddy, I was rocking Wyatt to sleep when I felt my phone vibrating twice, I checked it

"I'm at home, I'll wait for you when you're ready to talk. If you're not ready yet, I appreciate you'd bring me my son and leave if you want to or just ignore me, however you'd like"

I felt my blood boil again, I lock the phone and save it on my pocket, rocking Wyatt faster. I know this isn't over yet