After All • Calum Hood (Sequel to ISTTY)

58

The night was totally awful, I really couldn't sleep at all thanks to being overthinking... I didn't know what to do with Madeleine anymore, I don't want to make a quick decision that I'd regret, tomorrow I'm leaving on tour again and I'll use that time away from her to really decided whether we'll stay together or if it is the end of us, I want to realise if I miss her as much as I used to when I was on tour before all of this or if I don't feel the same way towards her anymore... All I know is no matter what my decision is, I'll always take care of Madeleine just like I promised her father, I mean, after all we couldn't really hold grudges because we have a son in common

I'm sitting down on the kitchen with a cup of juice thinking about all of this when Madeleine walks in, she looks at me for a couple of seconds then she turns to see something else, she starts looking for things to prepare breakfast, Wyatt isn't with her so I deduct he's still asleep. The silence and tension could be felt in this place and it's becoming so awkward that I decide to walk away, I go to our bedroom and lay down next to a sleeping Wyatt. Madeleine never texted me yesterday to see Wyatt—for the first time in days I feel a little bit of peace but it's quickly thrown away by Madeleine's voice

—Calum, you're leaving tomorrow

I'm looking up at the ceiling trying to ignore her as much as I can

—I know that -I mumble-

—Do you plan to stay like this for the upcoming months when you're going to be on tour or...?

—Stop, Madeleine, please. It's too early to have this conversation

—Fuck! Did I made a mistake? Hell yes, I did, you're a hundred percent right there, I screwed up so bad and I wish I could turn back time and avoid that but I can't -she says a little bit desperate, I stand up from the bed and walk to her, carefully holding her by her arms, taking her away from the bedroom. Otherwise, Wyatt would wake up crying because of the noise-

—I know that

—But talk to me! Your silence is killing me, you're making me feel emptier than I already am. I lost my dad, I lost my daughter, now I'm losing you too?

—I don't know what to tell you, I feel like you're a stranger right now -I say honestly, pouring my heart out even though my words will hurt her-

—I am... a stranger? -I nod- Calum, I'm not a stranger -she cries out- I'm the woman you love, you're the man I love

—It doesn't feel good, I don't feel good spending time with you lately, don't make this any harder... Give me space, stop -I say stepping back, she steps forward, tears were streaming down her cheeks like pouring rain-

—No one else will know you as deeply as I know you -her voice's cracking- I mean, no one will know that you hate it when your food mixes on the plate, no one will know that you prefer to have breakfast before brushing your teeth and that you only do it because I ask you to, no one will know that rainy days make you feel grumpy and heavy, that wen you're mad the first thing you do is grab your bass and play the simplest chords... No one will notices the details on your face when you smile, your little boy smile when you talk about football even though you try to hide your excitement, no one else will spy you when you're in the middle of composing or writing a song

I feel my cheeks wet thanks to the tears, she gives another step forward standing really close to me, with her thumb she brushes away the tears, the only thing I do is to look at her straight into her eyes. Everything that she said make me weak, all the years that we've been together

—I... I can only imagine the pain that I put you through and I don't know what to tell you, believe me, I had the illusion of you and I raising another child, but before you left I noticed you were so anxious over everything that I didn't wanted you to feel worse—I wanted you to fully enjoy what you were doing instead of worrying more than you should... And it was selfish of me, so this time I want you to put yourself first, it's the right thing to do