I am yours FOREVER (A Zac and Tom story)

Despair

2 weeks later
*Meri*
We are in Texas, in Zac's house.. Well Zac and Lumi's house. And have been for ten days. This place is truly beautiful, I have no doubt about that, but it is like everything has gone bland.. Food has lost its taste, the sun holds no warmth and all the colours are.. lifeless and.. Well,  bland. I feel like walking around in a bubble that mutes everything except for the pain.

Lumi and especially Zac are going to great lengths to try and cheer me up and I really appreciate their efforts, but I just can't pull myself up enough to really react.

I have transferred school, so I can finish up my studies. And somehow I manage to go through the motions of the day. To do my assignments. To seem like a normal human being. But the truth is that I am an empty shell.

"Hi Meri mouse, don't you look pretty today". Zac sends me one of those dazzling smiles that would make any other woman go weak in the knees. For me it only makes me think of Tom's beautiful smile, and the last time I saw it.

He has started calling me mouse for god knows what reason. "Morning Zac.. you look happy".

"The sun is shining, the world is still standing.. both reasons to be happy. I would love to see that pretty smile of yours". He cock his head slightly, looking at me with worried eyes. All I can think of is Tom's beautiful eyes, and how I am never going to look into them again.

I plaster on a fake smile, but of course it doesn't fool Zac. He looks sad, as he places a plate of breakfast in front of me. I push it around, not really eating anything. It isn't that it is horrible, not that horrible at least.. no Zac has actually gotten a fair grip on making breakfast, the eggs are only slightly soggy and the bacon is almost not burned. I just don't have any appetite.

"See you later Zac". I get up and grab my bag, walking out to the small car I have gotten myself. Lumi left early today because she had something she needed to do before class.

As I drive towards town I am wondering if I will ever feel whole again or if I will always feel like this.

*Zac*
Honestly I am worried about Meri, she is never smiling and she has lost weight, which is logical as she isn't eating anything either. I actually feel guilty. I mean I didn't consider Meri's feelings when I asked Lumi to come with me to Texas. Maybe Tom isn't the selfish one, maybe I am.. I was the one willing to pull Lumi from her sister, Tom was the one willing to let his love go.

This is probably the reason I am doing my best to cheer her up at every given moment, that I feel it is at least partially my fault she is unhappy and broken in the first place.

I pick up the phone and call Lumi, she picks up instantly. "Hi mussu, missing me already ?"

"I wanted to ask what the doctors said. Are all the numbers still fine ?" She has had a check up on her leukemia.

"They were fine Zac, a little higher than last, but he said it was probably my body stressing over moving and changing school and all that.. nothing to worry about". I can hear she is truthful.

I let out a relieved breath. "What do you say we go out tonight ? We could bring Meri, she needs to get cheered up".

"Sounds great mussu". She says and I can hear the smile in her voice but also sadness. I guess the sadness is for Meri. I know she worries too. "See you later, love".

"See you baby". I sent her a kiss through the phone before hanging up. Then I go online to find the right restaurant. Hoping it can cheer up poor Meri just a bit.

*Emma*
I feel slightly worried when I walk up the path to Tom's house. None of us have seen him or heard for him in more than a week. His phone is dead and this morning Luke called me, Tom did not show up for a planned event yesterday, it has never happened before. As I have a key, I am on my way to check on him.

First I ring the doorbell and Bobby starts to bark like crazy on the other side. He usually never barks. But no one comes to open.

"It's just me Bobby". Unlocking the door I am surprised to find the door hard to open. I can hear Bobby on the other side, whimpering as he has recognised my voice.

I have to put my shoulder to the door and shove it open. Stepping inside I realise that it is post blocking the door, letters, newspapers and commercials. There seems to be at least a week worth of stuff.

The smell makes me almost throw up. Apparently Bobby has found this the best place to relieve himself when he couldn't get out. Fuck what is going on ?

"Tom ! Tom, where are you ?" I call out, starting to feel actually scared. This is so not like my brother. Tom would never neglect his dog or leave mail on the floor like this. Has something bad happened ?

The kitchen is an utter mess, dirty pans and dishes. Bobby's water and food bowls are lying empty on the floor and I quickly fill them, seeing how he throws himself over them. I try to steady my breath and not freak out. There might be a perfectly good explanation for this.

I slowly walk towards the living room, as I open the door I am hit by the stench. It literally smells like something died in there. Panic rushes through me. "Tom !? Please answer me".

There are several pizza boxes on the table and floor, most of them clearly pulled down and eaten by Bobby. The one standing where he couldn't reach it is hardly touched and looks several days old.

Then I spot Tom. He is laying on the couch, curled up in a blanket, his back toward me. On the table is half a bottle of whiskey and .. fuck it's a pill bottle. My heart sinks. Oh God no, he couldn't have..

I hurry over, fearing the worst, I can't see his chest move.. Is he breathing ? Or has he done something stupid ? "Tom please, please be okay".