Delirium: Crash & Burn

Part XVII

Evie

The senior winter ball was only 2 months away now and I didn't have a dress. My fingers scrolled on the website, the images of these perfect women flashed on the screen. All of the dresses were so expensive. I couldn't afford anything on the site and my pride would not allow me to ask for the money either.

The bell rung signalling the next period. I sat on the bench outside of my History class. My chest tightened, suddenly my wall of lies began to crack and shake around me.

"Hey!"

Harrison tapped my shoulder bringing me out of my anxious thoughts. I hummed a response which sounded like hello.

"You okay?" He furrowed his eyebrows concerned by the lack of energy he received on speaking to me.

"Yeah- yeah, I'm good." I sighed unintentionally, instantly regretting it. Harrison sat by me on the bench placing his left hand on my face.

"You're going to be late for class, girl." His face lit up into a cheeky smile showing his perfectly white teeth and dimples. I smiled back, his smile was infectious and I noticed that he had been smiling a lot more lately. He reached his hand over the crown of my head stroking my hair as he questioned.

"What is going on that mind of yours, girl?"

I sighed preparing my voice to speak, but just before I did we were brutally interrupted by Cole. He walked past making a loud gagging sound, coughing as though he was actually throwing up, I felt Harrison's hand tighten into a fist as he stood up suddenly.

"Something to say Beckett?" 

Harrison foolishly called after Cole who was already down the hall. Cole stopped abruptly and turned around straightening his back and began marching towards Harrison. The two stood face to face their noses inches away, Cole had slightly lowered his posture to be leveled with Harrison.

"I let you have this one." 

Cole spat out the words venomously as he pointed towards me. I suddenly felt unworthy and unclean. I doubt the breakup caused that much internal pain within Cole that he actually felt disappointed by me and him not being together anymore. I figured it was male pride or some kind of long-running competition that they had going on between themselves. I knew I would soon find out, but for now, I would just watch as they grapple over me. 

Once Cole had walked away, Harrison turned back to me and gave me a sheepish smile. He sat back next to me placing his hand on my thigh.

"So the dance." He looked up into nothingness as though he was trying to capture the thoughts as they escaped from his reach. He sighed dramatically removing his hand from my thigh looking down at his feet. 

"Will you go with me to the dance, Harry?" I ask with high pitch excitement evident in my voice. Harrison's eyes shot up looking at me with confusion.

"You want to go with me?" This was almost sweet. I nodded quickly in order to hush the insecurities he must've felt.

I couldn't help but to think of when we had made the deal a couple of days ago, I instantly regretted it, feeling a sense of overwhelming blackmail. I couldn't get past the idea that I was somehow prostituting my pride in exchange for the popularity and security that I had lacked my whole life. I was disgusted with myself, kind of.

For that first night after we made the deal I tossed and turned unable to settle with the decision I had made. The idea of breaking things off with Cole to pretend date his best friend turned my insides out. I gagged at myself, horrified at the lengths I'd go through to be popular and to be adored.