Delirium: Crash & Burn

Part XXXIV

A couple of days later

Harrison

I moved my spoon through the caffeinated liquid, stirring in some more sugar. All I could think of was how this would surly give me the energy I needed to face my first Biology exam.

I sighed reaching for my phone; I wanted to leave Evie a voice message before I forgot. I rung her number and it went straight to voice mail again. I felt slightly stupid for leaving her a voice message everyday but I knew she needed to know that I could be trusted and this was my way of showing that trust. The messages weren't long but I'd always tell her one thing that was on my mind and I would tell her how much I still cared for her, still admired her and loved her.

"Hey, you already know who this is, hope you're okay today. I have my first Biology exam today, I could have done with one of your pep talks and one of your kisses, but I'll survive, barely but I will."

I laughed slightly at my own self pity, I hated the idea of her listening to these messages but I hated the idea of not talking to her at all more. "I miss you, I really do. Love you always."

I hung up the phone before I started getting emotionally sentimental. I felt that familiar sorrow when I missed someone but couldn't have them near. It was the same feeling I got when I thought about Jade for too long. My mind would fill with my favourite moments with my baby sister and I would begin to feel low knowing I couldn't have those moments ever again. So I tried not to think about her. It was some kind of self torture that I'd try an avoid.

I blamed the looming fact that it was my birthday this Friday and I was feeling sentimental. It would be the first birthday in a while that I haven't spent with Cole and a massive group of my friend, it would the first birthday in a while that I wouldn't be drunk or high or having sex with some random girl.

I took a sip of my coffee burning my tongue; I swiftly moved the mug away from my mouth cursing internally at the heated pain. Just as I placed the mug down on the white granite my mom came into the kitchen. She hovered next to me, swaying from side to side as though the wind was picking her up and dropping her back down.

She was wearing a long pink gown and she had her hair in rollers, classic Kate. She had a face that could stop traffic, her eyes were big and doll like, the bright blue resembled small swimming pools, most people would say when I was young that I had her eyes. Her nose was small and compact, I wondered how she could breathe through such a small channel. Her hair was jet black and thick. I always thought my mom was the most beautiful women on the planet, that was before I met Evie.

I began to think about Evie, the way her hair was wild and curly before she straightened it in the morning, her smooth brown skin was like darkened butter, her brown eyes were always so kind, so forgiving. I forced myself out of my thoughts, remembering where I was, my mom didn't speak, she just sort of lingered, hovering around the kitchen, pacing, she made me nervous. I sighed dramatically as I walked over to the coffee machine and grabbed my mom's favourite mug from the glass cabinet.

"Coffee?" I asked her slightly turning to face her, she looked surprised that I was asking, she nodded slowly as if she was suspicious of me for offering to make her a coffee.

"It's your birthday this Friday." She added in a 'matter of fact' tone, I nodded making a humming sound. She coughed, clearing her throat, she was uncomfortable.

"I wanted to apologise Harry. On behalf of me and your dad" My eyes shot up, I suddenly felt overwhelmed and warm, like someone was shining a light on my face. "I wanted to say sorry for these past two years, Jade's death was never your fault." I felt my lip quiver; I couldn't believe I was going to cry in front of my mom. I cleared my throat in attempts to steady my heart rate and thoughts, I placed the coffee in front of her.