Delirium: Crash & Burn

Part XXXI

During the beach party- The day before yesterday

Cole

This wasn't the usual party; it was not kind that I was used to. You know the high school ones that were mildly exciting and slightly dangerous. I don't think I would even label it is a party. It was more of a gathering, an accumulation of abhorrent people  in one room, there was music, it was very low and I was barely able to hear it. A thick cloud of smoke settled in the room, permanently, like a fog.  The people who I sat with were barely people, they were insane individuals, terrifying humans who were incapable of mercy if you crossed them.

I wondered how I got in here, what series of unfortunate events got me here in this room, with these people. It started innocently enough; I had been getting drugs from the same dealer for a while. The enhancers me and Harrison got were from a guy called Max, Max worked for a guy called Wolf, we never met him, we just heard things about him, scary things about him. Harrison was always more fearful than I was. Max was tolerable but I wouldn't dare miss a payment. It's a rule of thumb, that you don't mess around with drug deals, if you can't pay don't bother to ask for any.

Max is a short man, standing at 5ft 7, with no hair anywhere on his face but a thick black beard. His skull is patterned with tattoos. Though I towered over him but still he had more authority, more power than me. Harrison eventually got sick of taking the enhancers and chickened out. I think he was scared of one day coming across Wolf plus he was in love and he didn't want to chance it, but I on the other hand didn't care. I continued to call Max and spend my parent's money on the drugs he offered. It was a form of self mutilation.

When everything kicked off at the bonfire I left and called Max who gladly picked me up, he told me he had something else for me and asked if I wanted to try it. At that point I'd try anything, I had just found out my best friend was fucking my sister for years. I needed a high, any kind of high. 

A couple of hours blended into days and the days into weeks. I was kind of their experiment; I'd try their drugs before they sold them. Some were okay, some I loved and some knocked me out for hours, dragging me into a coma like sleep. The bad ones were really bad, they gave me vivid nightmares, lucid dreams, where I was drowning, being strangled or buried alive.

Today they had given me a liquid drug, something they were trying out. Max looked slightly concerned but not concerned enough to stop it. I didn't feel much for a while I thought maybe my body had stopped reacting, maybe I was already dead.

We all sat in this room, there were 5 of us in total each one different, each searching for the same answer, each other's probably reaching the same goal.

The past few weeks have been a blur, there were patches of my memory that I didn't remember, there were elements of my life that I couldn't recall, they were forgotten though they were recent. My mind had closed itself off and tried to forget, tried to nullify the damning truth.

The crowds that I found myself entertaining weren't the crowds that I was supposed to be in. I was supposed to be at some random senior year party with Harrison, I was supposed to be kissing a pretty girl, taking shots with my friends then going home to my parents.

I was supposed to be going on vacations and senior trips. I was supposed to be taking my final exams, graduating and applying for college, not here. I know I wasn't always a good person I was always rude, bashful, prideful but I never thought I'd end up in a room full of drug dealers. Dangerous men and dangerous women, I couldn't comprehend nor understand what I found myself in. I was just in a state of being. I was conscious but unconscious at the same time, I was present in the past, I was here and I was there, I was inside of my body I was outside of my body.