Delirium: Crash & Burn

Part XXXVII

Evie

I took a deep breath in to steady myself, my nerves had somehow unravelled on the drive here and I feared what was to become of me. As dramatic as it sounds I felt like a puddle of water, uneasy and unsteady. Harrison must have felt my apprehension once he parked up he turned to me placing his big hands around my face, cupping my head in his palms. He shook his head at me.

"Whatever you're overthinking about, stop it." I wished it was that easy. My heart had swollen to a terrifying size and it was going to burst out of my chest killing me instantly. I imagined walking through the halls and being stoned by the masses or being taken as captive and hung in the hallway for my heinous crimes. I swallowed hard, my neck straining at the pressure which was building.

"You don't know how I feel." I sulked my eyes darting away from Harrison's intense blue eyed gaze.

"Oh yeah?" He challenged, releasing my face from his gentle hands before he continued. "When Jade died everyone here judged me." He pulled back the long sleeves of his black t-shirt rolling them up, revealing his tattooed forearms. "People watched me when I walked the halls, like I was the one who did it."

I furrowed my brows unsure of how to react, I didn't know much about how Jade died, I never wanted to ask from fear of looking nosey or judgemental. I remained silent. It was like Harrison knew my thoughts as he interrupted them answering my internal questions.

"Me and Cole went to a college party in 2017 and we brought Jade with us. I let her wonder around the frat house alone, I didn't think it would be a problem, she was independent and smart. A few hours pasted and before I knew it there were gun shots, people getting hurt, the rooms being ransacked for money and drugs." He sighed steadying his now erratic breathing, it was like he was reliving the pain and heat of that awful night. My heart rate also increased, I grabbed Harrison's hand as he continued.

"I looked for her, called for her, tried to find her but when I did, she just lay there, bleeding, she was already dead."

Harrison cleared his throat he was uncomfortable; I didn't blame him. This was dark shit. Part of me didn't want to know anymore. He trusted me with this highly sensitive information though I was a slightly untrustworthy character.

"I'm sorry."

I didn't know what else to say but that. The sad truth was that this was our generation, we suffered at the hands of other people who wanted to bring harm to everyone. Extremism was just as relevant now as it was in the 20s in Germany. I wondered if our parents and grandparents would have thought that our generation would suffer from the burden of terrorism.

Harrison shook his head and told me not to apologise stating that "it is what it is." He turned to me, his face neutral and calm as if he hadn't just told me what he told me. He must have lived the pain of that night for days and weeks into months and years. Him retelling the story must have felt more like a conversation rather than trauma.

"Look Evie you need to walk into that school and not let any of these people bother you, they don't matter as much as you fear that they do."

Harrison sighed ruffling his perfectly dark hair. God he was unreal.

"Do you hear what I'm saying?" He reached his palm against my face rubbing my cheek. "You have to be unapologetic, like I was. It gets better, people will stop talking and focus on someone else. You wanted this senior year to be yours so claim it back. It's your decision on how all of this end. You can either let this destroy you or be grateful that it didn't."

His words were honest and true, he was right and he knew it, the smirk on his perfect face showed me he knew he was right.

"How did you?" I paused unable to accumulate my thoughts into words.