Delirium: Crash & Burn

Part XXX

Evie

The sunlight came into my room causing my eyes to string and burn at it's radiate light. I forced my eyes to flicker open only to realise that I had the worst headache ever. Flashing, fleeting recollections  of yesterday's drinking antics crowded my mind, I groaned in shame rolling over to cover myself from the sun's judgemental rays .

As I rolled I was I bumped my forehead on Harrisons strong back. My arms instantly held him feeling his warm skin against mine. I felt him moving slightly, waking up from his slumber, I peaked over his shoulders to see if he was awake. "Morning?" he announced as he felt me hovering over him.

"yeah is that's what they call it?" I reclined back lying down facing the ceiling. Harrison turn to me stretching out his arm and holding my face in his big hands. Though I had a splitting headache I couldn't ignore how truly gorgeous he was, even first thing in the morning. It seemed as though his blue eyes were brighter in the morning. I sighed suddenly feeling a little bit better. "Should we go and get something to eat? I'm starving."

Harrison began to laugh his face lighting up "never had a hangover have we?" he teased. He was right, before starting at his school I didn't drink, I didn't go out, I never had a true hangover.  I groaned covering my face with my hands.

"That obvious? Everything hurts Harrison, my face hurts, my eye lids hurt, my eyebrows hurt." Harrison continued to laugh, obviously he had never met someone as clueless as me. I close my eyes recalling back to the thoughts of last night. I furrowed my eyebrows suddenly remembering that Harrison left at some point last night.

" Where did you go last night?-" I paused trying to remember what exactly happened, "you were there one minute then the next you weren't and then I was passing out."

Harrison paused his eyes avoided mine and shifted focusing on each corner of my room. " Evie, there's something you need to see." My eyes snap open, worry was written all across Harrison's face, my stomach fell dropping onto the floor, what the hell happened last night?

My eyes blink repeatedly, I could feel the tears forming in them. My breathing became slower as my heart rate increased. The thing that I had nurtured, the thing that I had groomed and created was dying, it was already dead. I had been pretending for so long that I forgot that it was all pretence, but to have it taken away from me without my permission was heart breaking. I scrolled through the twitter threads. Message after message after retweet and status, all nasty tweets about me, name calling and each mutilating word cut me deep.

The same people who praised me and loved me yesterday were the same people calling me a stupid bitch on Twitter . The same people yesterday who were complimenting my beauty and saying how me and Harrison look so good together were the same people who are casting silent stones over the internet .

They didn't know me I never knew me, not the real me yet the words that they said you would think that they knew me, the real me . Harrison paced in front of me, he made me nervous, as the anxiety crept up in my bones so did my anger and rage .

"Can you stop that ?" my voice was vicious and angry towards Harrison I couldn't help it. Immediately Harrison halted to attention his eyes narrowed towards me as if he was questioning me .

"Listen, don't this it out on me. I haven't done anything wrong" his voice was cold and unforgiving but at the same time in the back of my mind I did blame him. I began to question his loyalties and question his truths, wondering if he did this, if he was the culprit to my pain, if he set me up to fail. I didn't speak, I couldn't speak. We sat together all morning watching it all unwind, watching my life as the popular, perfect girl unravel.

I wondered how this happened I was so meticulous, so creative, it was a full proof plan, the only person who knew the whole truth was Harrison. My eyes narrow towards him as I stood up, he tried to hug me, to hold me, to settle me. I pushed his hands away ignoring his embrace and attempts to comfort me before interrogating him "did you do this?" my words were cold, I didn't know what I was saying, yesterday he was my hero but today he looked like a potential enemy.

I was afraid, I couldn't believe it was all ending, I was the author and illustrator to my own pain. I took a deep breath in allowing the reality to settle in my mind . Harrison stud still with his back towards me I could see his chest rising and falling as his shoulders move upwards and then back down . The muscles on his back tensed and seized up I could imagine his face was doing the same.

"Wh-what ? What did you just say to me?" I felt a familiar sense of unease and nausea creep up in my stomach . It was like we were back 10 months ago and this was the Harrison from before . I was scared to speak but at the same time I could not keep quiet.

I cleared my throat in attempts to make myself feel braver, "did you tell someone about me?" there was a long wave of silence, the air felt heavy and thick, it was like I was drowning . My own question rattled in my head like a broken record everything that I had come to love about Harrison was being questioned and tested by this one thing.

I had come to love and appreciate his presence and his protection so much that I allowed myself to let my guard down. I came to rely on his brute strength and popularity to carry me through senior year but I forgot that he wasn't always on my side. I forgot that once upon a time he made a bet with his best friend, I forgot how rude he was to me, how nasty and cold he was to me, the thickness of emotions that I felt towards Harrison caused me to forgot that he too started as the enemy . For all I knew him and Poppy could have been planning this, watching behind my back, conspiring without my attention, planning my downfall. I've never been someone to be suspicious but having been let down for so many years, I sometimes would question people's loyalties.

Harrison took a sharp breath in "what happened to me and you?" I was confused by his question so I remained silent. " I said what happened me and you? It was supposed to be us against them, now you're making it like it was me against you. I don't understand." He still had his back to me refusing to look at me, refusing to look at me in the eyes.

I approached Harrison with caution I could almost feel how angry he was from the heat radiating off his back. "But it was all built on lies though wasn't it?" my voice began to shake slightly I felt myself wanting to cry, I felt myself wanting to fall into Harrison's arms and forget the entire thing. But this was beyond that, it wasn't a question of whether I was a liar or not because that I was, it was a question of loyalty and love both of which Harrison professed that he had for me. He scoffed at my words throwing his head back in boisterous laughter, the colour in my cheeks deepened I felt embarrassed, humiliated and he was laughing? 

"You are such a kid Evie you blame everyone else apart from yourself." I began to chew on my bottom lip drawing small droplets of blood from the soft flesh.

"I don't know why I ever trusted you." My words were sharp and uncalled for I don't know why I said it I just did, I wanted to hurt him, I want him to feel like the loser this time instead of me. He turned around to face me his eyes were dark and cold, I hadn't seen him look this way in a long time. It sent shivers down my spine and for the first time in a long time I was afraid. I put myself in harms way, I had given him all of me, the real me and now I was left naked and vulnerable. He moved closer to me causing me move a smooth step back not taking my heel off the floor.

Harrison shook his head in disbelief "it was real to me." His voice was unconvincing, I didn't know whether it was my own paranoia or the truth of it all. I didn't know what I wanted him to do. I didn't know who I trusted least, myself or him. At some point I thought our souls were the same that in whatever twisted way me and Harrison were the same.

I took a breath in looking down at my hands "I don't believe you." My voice broke as I finished the sentence attempting to stop myself from crying but unsolicited tears began to fall. Harrison looked at me, reached out his hand and wiped my tears.

He sighed deeply, obviously feeling defeated "well I can't help you then." His voice was cold and unforgiving as if he was ready to give up the fight, as if he was ready give me up. My mood swings give me whiplash but his mood swings gave me heart attacks. Harrison took his keys from the table and grabbed his jacket preparing himself to leave, I wanted him to leave, I wanted him go so I just stood there watching him.

He reached his hand into his pocket pulling out a pearly pink shell placing it on the table. I watched as he began to walk away unable to speak to me anymore, unable to convince me.

As he reached the door he turned around, he looked hurt, he spoke his voice low barely above a whisper "just to let you know I would never let anything hurt you, including me."