Delirium: Crash & Burn

Part III

Harrison

I sat across from him, gaunt. I couldn't bring my words to say it.

Just do it you idiot.

I coughed slightly clearing my throat and subsequently attracting my dad's attention. He looked at me challengingly. He scrunched up his face narrowing his eyes at me as if he knew what I was to say.

Don't look him in the eye.

"I erm, I am, I won't be-"

I tripped over my words, stumbling at the sounds which came out of my mouth. I cough again, I played with the spoon which sat in the empty bowl causing it to make a rattling sound. I looked up at my mom for encouragement. She nodded her head slowly in approval of what I would say next.

"Dad, I'm not going to accept the football scholarship next year."

My dad didn't speak, rather he shuffled in his chair uncomfortable at the sudden directness of my voice. I watched my dad's body squirm, he was unable to say what he really wanted to say.

"Harrison."

He looked at me sternly as a parent would a young child who was misbehaving in a supermarket. He paused momentarily and looked over to mom. My mom shook her head no causing my dad to stand in brutal protest.

"Harrison. I won't let you throw away such a good opportunity!"

His tone was aggressive and harsh. I knew he would say that. Never once did he consider what I wanted to do. He wished to live certain dreams through me and play football vicariously through me. I shifted in my seat uncomfortable with the thick fog which settled in the room. I cleared my throat becoming more anxious as I proceeded.

"I thought I could do medicine in college instead."

My voice sounded pleading and almost needy. I hated the way my dad could intimidate me into feeling unable to speak, breathe or move. He didn't say anything rather he flicked the page of the newspaper he was reading.

I cocked my head sidewards and looked at my mom hoping she would back me up. Rather she quickly looked down at her iPad and continued to flick through the website she was shopping on. This was hopeless. Both of them were ignorant to the fact their son did not want to be someone they wanted him to be.

I stood up, annoyed and slightly disappointed.

The expectations certain people placed on me were uneducated, it's like they didn't know me at all. I began to walk upstairs to get my stuff ready for school. It was the first day of senior year. Another year of pretending.

I quickly grab my bag and car keys, I had put on grey joggers and a white t-shirt. I checked myself again in the mirror, I nodded accepting my appearance. My phone buzzed in my pocket, I reached for it unlocking the screen seeing a text from Cole.

"senior year means senior year girls brother."

I chuckled to myself shaking my head as I read the text over again. The concept of being around the same girls from last year and the year before didn't excite me much.

Though the attention was nice I wanted something new, someone daring and a hard to read. Someone who was unpredictable. The girls in my school often gave me exactly what I wanted at exactly when I wanted it. They weren't hard to read. I was arrogant and somewhat brutish. It wasn't who I really was it was who I was made to be.

As I headed for the door I peered my head into the dining room where my parents still sat. Both of them remained unchanged, in fact, my dad's face looked more annoyed than it did before. They knew I was there, yet no one acknowledged my presence with so much as a simple look.