Delirium: Crash & Burn

Part VIII

Evie

I tossed and turned. I was unable to rest unable to get comfortable. The street light from outside shone into my room casting blue beams of light.

I had a nightmare; well not really, it was more like a realization which had shaken me to my core. A series of thoughts had accumulated together to create a complete scenario. I wrestled with the thoughts but eventually gave in to the truth.

I had grown up under the shadow of a mother who never thought I was good enough. I could sense it. I felt it in every correctional word lay a sense of disappointment. She would watch for me to make an error, even the smallest one to tell me that I'm stupid.

She never took time to try and understand my mind; to her, I was broken and couldn't be fixed. I was in pain, constantly, I broke myself trying to change her mind about me. I would win school awards, I would praise her with poems and pictures I drew of her, for her. I would be the best in school, gain affirmation from teachers and people who didn't know me. Tried but my efforts were in vain.

It was never good enough for her and I fell short of her mighty expectations. Though she was the one who brought me into the world, so in all fairness, she should have been disappointed in herself. I wondered for years after she left, I couldn't understand why she would abandon me after dad died. Bitch.

I played the same thoughts in my head but my eyes remained wide open roaming each corner of my room. I was imagining shapes and monsters in each dip in the wall. My phone rang from under my covers, the short sharp buzzing noises rattled causing me to frantically search for my phone with the maze. I finally found it, the screen lit up revealing an unknown number. I answer it curious as who it could be.

"Hello?"

I questioned, whispering slightly conscious of Kat in the next room. A husky laugh came from the other end, it was not malicious I recognised the voice, it was Harrison.

"Why are you whispering? were you sleeping?" He asked dumbly pretending it was not 2 am.

"Its 2 am, what do you want and how did you get my number?" I was truly curious as to who gave him my number and who gave him the right to call me at this hour.

He laughed again as though I told a joke. "Its not like you were sleeping, or you wouldn't have answered." I felt my blood begin to boil at how annoying he was being. I sighed not answering his statement.

"Look, I'm sorry I've been a bit of a dick lately in school." I scoffed, a bit of a dick was an understatement. He has been mocking me, jeering ta me and making crude jokes about me everyday since the party. My every move is questioned and discussed as if I was not human to him.

"You haven't just been a dick Harrison. What is with you? what have I done to deserve treatment like this from you?" The longer I could hear him breathing over the phone the more angry I became.He sighed.

"Look I said sorry, can we just be friends or something?" He asked pleadingly. What kind of sick joke was this.

"No we certainly cannot!" I barked forgetting that everyone was sleeping. He laughed again. This was becoming so frustrating.

" Well you were certainly getting friendly with Cole at the party so I thought we could do the same." I sigh heavily, there we go again, another crude joke. My blood began to get heated under my skin.

"You're still a dick and I am hanging up now."

I hang up immediately after not giving him a chance to further contribute to the conversation. It was like a silent protest, I did not bother to defend myself in regards to the party. Both him and Cole probably discussed me like some 8th grade project. I couldn't believe that for one second I wanted either one of them, that I allowed myself to become completely and utterly undone with emotion.