My Innocent Love

Chapter 9 His only Solace...

When you've come to love and believe something which is shown to you, and suddenly, after years when its snatched from you, your heart possibly can't cry more than it finds it itself torn in the preposterous mess of life. You believe a truth and then there is another story being presented to you to make you feel as if you were never a part of the surroundings you were living in for so long. This was exactly how I felt after hearing Mom make the most ludicrous claim of my life. In one moment, she wants me to believe that I'm nothing...

I'm just a bloody adopted son to them....

I have no parents ....or name...

I'm a messy child thrown into their home...

Either she thinks I'm some kind of robot or she doesn't know what she's even saying or her age is getting to her probably because I refused to believe the trash she is shoving down my throat after all the years...

So, I did what anyone would do in this maddening stupor she's caught, I shook her violently and demanded, "Tell me it's a lie. It can't be true. You both are my parents ....I love you both... don't do this to me...for God sake...don't...Mom...please...Just don't...Don't kill me ...alive...

I don't know when I realized it was the truth. Maybe, then when she remained quiet or she didn't meet my accusatory eyes, or it was when she removed my hands from her shoulders. But every fight to make her deny it, left my body as I slumped on my knees...in front of her like a submissive child asking for reprieve ...

My eyes pained along with my heart, but I didn't dare to shed a tear in front of her while she kept her hand on my head, caressing it as if telling me that, its going to be okay but the truth was, it will never be okay...

I'll never be okay...my existence felt wrong...my every claim was wrong...my entire life was wrong...Moreover...I was wrong...

For a few minutes we stayed in that daze; I heard her muffled sobs, but I didn't dare to look at her. I felt lost; out of place and a burden on her and her husband...

They were not mine...the house wasn't mine and yet I couldn't make myself to detach myself from this woman whom I was calling Mom for all these years. The sorrow overpowered me in its grandeur as the realization knocked me that I shouldn't trouble them anymore then I have already. I have caused them a great deal of misery by my presence around them and it was time, I made things better for her. She might not have given birth to me but still she was my Mom and I must save her from the wrath of my adopted father...she doesn't deserve to be mistreated because of her so called...adopted son. Its such a melancholy in one day I became I got a prefix before son and I have to use it to remember from where I come...

So, I got up in a jiffy and I grabbed a bag from the corner ...

"Aayush...what are you doing?" She came and halted me by holding my forearm.

"I m going to Australia forever...," she gasped clasping a hand on her mouth as I began to pack whatever I have left here before I shifted to hostel. No remainder of my existence should remain here. Khandelwal Mansion is not for me! I'm only Aayush! Not a Khandelwal!

"No...you're not going anywhere...you're my son..my baby..I'm not allowing you to go. We both love you...," It was when she said she and her husband loved me then my anger escalated to new heights because what I have got from Viraj Khandelwal wasn't love...it was a charity...

I left the bag; pierced my angry eyes into her with the broken child inside me screaming in rage.

"What do you want me to do? Continue to hover over here as a charity case? And what did you say...you both love me....Do you know the meaning of love...Why did you hide the truth from me? Why? Do you know all these years I was blaming myself for everything he did to you? But the thing is you both decided to bring me in your mess and then so easily you made me think that the blame for your broken relationship is mine? Is that what you call love?" I roared and I swear the entire house staff was hearing me today.