My Innocent Love

Chapter 12 Their Aching Love...

If my realization made me a happy man, my confession to her turned out to be a blunder I never thought would happen. Instead of being happy, I unleashed her griefs; I forced her to recall that she wasn't loved for most of her life. Everyone had rejected her. My Sunshine was writhing in pain and anguish behind that smile of hers and the blame was mine. It was mine! I loved her then but I couldn't ever tell that to her, and it came to a point where she doesn't have any more faith in anyone's love because we all have made her feel so unwanted and deserted that she is afraid who will leave her when and then how she'd cope up.

She told me she regrets falling in love with me. I was supposed to be happy that all those times when I thought about her, she was thinking about me. But my cruel destiny made that moment also into an aching one. I knew it was her pent-up sorrow that made her say it because I knew my Raisha will never regret loving me; all those silent smiles had a reason now and it was her love; our love for the other. She smiled at her Aayush whom she considered her only partner of understanding then but now...it seemed to be over for her and for us!

As much as her distrust in my love was tearing me apart, I knew anyone at her place would do the same. Self-preservation is a requirement we've to take because no one else would do that for us. But I dreaded, if in safeguarding her I lost her, what I'd do. There thought of not being able to make her believe in me, scared me. It sent jolts of stress in my every aching nerve, and when my Raisha walked away from me...I felt defeated...

For the first time, I have experienced the true taste of defeat. The real defeat in love...I never felt this sick when Dad tormented me, but I do now...

because I love Raisha so much that ...the thought of her not being a part of my life makes me want to smash anything and everything that's comes my way. I want to tear that everything apart that has hurt her...including myself...

I despised myself so much then that every freaking cell in my body was filled with a resentment against my own self...

I just wanted to go back in time and change everything, but I can't. Maybe, because I knew if I changed anything then we won't be so much in love with the other despite thinking that somewhere we wronged the other. But that's how love is....a sweet agonizing feeling that grows in distance in a way where nothing or no one can stop you from loving the other...Nothing works apart from the assurance of having that person beside you, in whose thoughts, have held you hostage for so long.

I was thinking all this only, when her brother, Nikhil came to me, and after talking to him, I felt a bit light, but at the same time, my dread didn't leave me.

Once, he left, I made my way to my room. My heart ordering me to go and check on her, but with the way she went, I knew she needed time to collect herself before we have a talk and put our differences aside...

In the transparent silence, I removed my jacket and sat on the bed, covering my face in my palms and when my tears began to flow, I had no idea...

I don't even know why I was crying in the first place? I know I was going to make up to her in every way, I can, yet I can't help but think about the misery I heard in her tone. She was all alone there, and it was killing me that I couldn't have been there for her earlier...Why was this life so hard? I thought.

When my sniffles turn into loud sobs I didn't realized until Yuvraj patted my shoulder, and when I looked at him, with my deep sorrowful red eyes, he gasped. He understood my plight without voicing out and hugged me.

"I can't ...lose her...Yuvi...I'll fall ...apart without her," I said with my tears trickling my cheeks at an uncontrollable speed.

"You're not going to lose your Raisha. She's yours and if you think that anyone else can love her more than you, then its never going to be the case. Others can come and say, they like her seeing her beauty, but they won't love her once they know who she was. As sadistic as it sounds, this is the truth of this life. The only one who will love her for everything she was and everything she is now, its you, Man. And its not just my belief, but I bet you, deeper in her heart, Raisha knows this as well that apart from her Aayush, she doesn't belong with anyone else."

His words made me realize that it was the truth. She was mine and even if she or her parents tell me to get lost, it was not happening now or ever. They have a right to be angry, but no one has the right to ask me to stay away from Raisha, not even she herself because at the back of my mind I knew, she's waiting for me to sort these things for her. She's waiting for her Aayush to make her believe in his love and remove this fear forever. She's waiting for me to embrace her despite her denial to love me, because I knew one thing for sure that Raisha only loves her Aayush.

The world would transform but the way the nature's glorious green eyes loved the penetrating brown ones would never alter.

I parted from him, and wiped my face, filled with new energy and resolution inside my head.

"And Buddy, Bhabhi (Sister-in-law) told me to tell you that you're not to cry now, because you will do all the crying after marriage. So, save your tears," I laughed at his joke which he obviously said to make me feel better, but I loved the way Yuvraj already called her his sister-in-law because that's what she will be sooner than I'd know. My intentions were straight for her.

Make up to her and get engaged, and after she gets a decent job and settles in her work life, we would get married, but I won't allow her to be called just a fling or girlfriend because she deserves to be my wife. And I'd make sure to do that.

Just that, she must listen to what I have to say...which she did after a lot of fuss, but it was fun especially her angry glares at me. I swear my girl had never glared at anyone apart from me, which I feel is an honor because I'm her first in everything.

From falling in love to getting mad...she has a right on me which is what makes us more comfortable with the other because we both know whether we glare at the other, or call each other off, at the end of the day, nothing will matter apart from our love and need to be with the other...

And those seven days were exactly a glimpse of that strong bond.

I didn't specifically tell her that Ekta spread the rumors or how I tried to deny everything at first, because I knew if I clarified all of it, she won't care about taking time...she'll take me back right away. It was just how she was. Her thought process worked this way that it won't allow her to hurt anyone and when I'm on the other side, she obviously will find me reasons to excuse because she'll think that I did what I did in absolute pressure in the circumstances created by her vengeful cousin...

And I didn't want her to do that. I wanted to create her childhood in those seven days; show her the glimpse of our future but at the same time not pressurize her into thinking that she has to agree to be with me at any cost...

That was her choice to make...after she assures herself of everything. After she feels confident enough to trust me for a lifetime because the commitment would be for life and then, none of us can back off and disrespect our feelings for the other.

Those seven days were for the seven years we stayed apart, we cried, and for the ache we felt. Since, we had our classes too so apart from two hours n the evening, I didn't ask for anything more from her. It was more than enough to satisfy myself just by looking at her or even listening to her insecurities and fears because I knew she won't tell them to anyone else.

And practically, I think only I could have put an end to all the insecurities because she has to spend her life with me and in a way, the more she tells me how she feels, the better it becomes for me to know where I stand in her life and how I must assure her that above our love, no fear holds a place.

And I won the biggest gamble of my life on the seventh day, after facing a little setback, when my Sunshine finally admitted, "I love you, Aayush. Raisha Loves Aayush."

She touched my face all over with her eyes showering the tears of happiness while I cupped her face, and kissed her forehead and as soon as I enclosed her in my arms,

The life turned better...the anguish left...the misery faded...

And the angels descended to shower their blessings on us...

Mom...Dad...blessed us and I knew it.