Icy - John Mulaney x OC

7 - I've Decided I'm Never Talking To Laura Ever Again

I gave myself a second to breathe before I walked in the door. When I opened it, I was immediately grabbed by Laura, who hugged me and whispered in my ear. "They're in the living room. They won't tell me why."

I nodded solemnly and walked into the living room. For background, My brother, James was my identical twin. He and my now ex-boyfriend Tom had been dating for three years behind my back, while I was still with Tom. So that was cool. It had been three years since then, and I actually hadn't had another boyfriend. I wouldn't say they ruined me, but it was possible I had put a few (hundred) extra walls up because of the whole thing.

James jumped off the couch he had been sitting on and hugged me. "Charlie!" He said. "I missed you!"

I pushed him off me. "Please don't touch me." I said. 

James faltered. "Charlie, don't be like that, it was years ago. You're my brother and my best friend! I want you in my life!"

"James, you're not my best friend. In fact, I don't really think you're a friend at all. I don't want you here. Please, leave." I said, pointing to the door.

He blinked. "Are you still mad about the Tom thing?"

"Bitch, I could care less about Thomas. He's irrelevant. You were my brother! We've known each other for so long, and you fucked that up for some mediocre dick! And don't call me Charlie! That's for friends only."

Thomas cleared his throat. "Hey, Charles. I'm here too."

"I know."

"Well, can we put that aside for a bit so I can tell you what I came here to tell you?" James asked, putting his hand on my shoulder.

I shrugged his hand off my shoulder and nodded.

A whistle sounded from the kitchen. "Sorry!" Laura called. "It's just the tea! Do yo want some, Charlie?"

"Sure," I called back. 

"I'd love some, Laurie!" James called to her.

"Sorry, James, there's only enough for two." Laura called back. God, I loved her.

"What is it?" I asked, turning back to James and Thomas. 

James smiled brightly. "Well..." He held out his hand, and there was an engagement ring on his ring finger. "We got engaged!"

I raised my eyebrows.

Thomas stood up and showed me his ring too. "It would really mean a lot to us if you could come," he said, handing me a wedding invitation.

I took the invitation. "Oh, well that's nice, but I have work, and I don't think they would like it if I just randomly left town for Texas."

"They'll understand if it's a wedding." James said, waving his hand. "Anyway, plus ones are allowed, so you can bring your boyfriend," He looked me up and down and paused, a happy smile still on his face. "if you have one. I haven't seen anything on your social media that suggests otherwise."

"I blocked you on everything." I deadpanned.

"Still..." James said. 

Laura appeared beside me and handed me a cup of tea. "He does have one, actually. That's where he was before he got here. His name's John Mulaney, he wrote for SNL. He's an actor too. You might've heard of him." She took a long sip from her tea, giving them, and me, time to process this information. She was lying through her teeth, and she was a famously bad liar.

James turned to me. "Is that true? How did a little southern nerd get with an SNL writer?"

Laura shrugged. "A lot of help from me. Charlie is the most oblivious person ever."

I smiled thinly. "Thanks Laura, But I don't really like telling people I hate about my personal life." I handed the invitation back to Thomas. "Sorry, I won't be attending."

Thomas smiled. "Well, just keep the invite, in case you change your mind." He handed it to me again.

I smiled at them. "Thanks for coming. Now please," I pointed to the door. "Get out of my apartment."

James smiled. "No problem!" He turned to Laura and handed her an invitation. "Of course, you're invited too, Laurie." He leaned over to whisper to her, but whispered very loudly on purpose. "And let Charles know I don't care that he doesn't have a boyfriend, he just has to bring himself and i'll be happy."

They left. 

Laura seethed. "If they think i'm going to their tacky-ass wedding, those assholes have another thing coming. When have I ever expressed that I wanted to be called Laurie??? My name is Laura!"

I looked at the invite in my hand. "I'm going."

"Charlie! You can't let them win!" Laura said, grabbing my shoulders.

"But if I don't go, they'll know I don't have a boyfriend. Oh, yeah, thanks for lying about that, by the way. You couldn't have said, 'he does have a boyfriend, he has brown hair.' You had to go straight to 'Oh yeah his boyfriend is famous' How am I gonna get myself a guy like that!?"

Laura's expression changed. She smirked at me. "Well, you do know a cute guy who likes you who fits into the description." She said.

"Laura i'm not kidding."

"Neither am I! All you have to do is ask him to go to the wedding with you. Or you could, I don't know, ask him out?"

"We are friends! I can't do the dating thing right now. Between work and this fucking wedding, I've got my hands full. I'll ask him to be my date for the wedding, but I can't- ... I can't."

Laura nodded. "Okay." She looked at the invitation. "Charlie!"

"What."

"The invitation... Babe, this is in less than a month!"

"What??? They can't possibly..." I looked at the invite. The wedding was in three weeks. "What are they playing at?"

"I don't know." Laura said. "But if you're going, I'm going."