You're Not Yourself

Feeling lonely?

So the past few weeks have been abit lonely, due to not having to work and the lack the friends I have left, My friendship with Jackie has been okay but it hasn't been the best either, she's been dating guys I know that are complete assholes to me and that's why I hate the fact that she dating these people without caring of how I feel about it. I try to give it a chance then it ends up me getting mad because the guy she ends up with it's a complete douche bag to me and I don't want to be the victim of one of my best friends boyfriend's ugh! Also I feel like Jackie takes advantage of me and can't bother in paying me back for something even when I do t ask for it it's common sense that I would like to get my money back due to having to pay for her for food, clothes and other shit that I could be saving my money on rather then on her! Sometimes I reconsider finding people in my age group. I mean I did just turn 20 so maybe people in my age group can relate to how I feel. And the only person who I can really talk about my feeling to is my therapist who is very helpful in certain situations I explain to him.
My other pal joe will barely FaceTime me and avoid me as much as he can even when I text him he won't answer til it's like twelve o'clock at night and that really bugs me and the only time I'll ask to hangout with him os if he has the car because whenever I'm at his house we barely do anything and I want to explore the world not sit around and do nothing. The only time I ever get to see him now is when he does reach out to me and see how I'm doing. He's not going to college or work s he's broke as fuck as well! Ugh 😑
The only people I'll really enjoy being around with is those who are fair with me and can balance out the price together without arguing like my best friend/mom Annabella who is so sweet and kind and can talk to about anything that on my mind, also I can be my natural self when I'm with her because she and I are both weird that's what makes us such amazing best friends. And my other BOCES friend Joseph is Upstate with his girlfriend and his baby boy named Sage. don't even ask how he had a baby at this age, it's a long story that's really non of your business. Things just naturally happen in life that you have to go along with in life.
But he's currently just in upstate NY looking for a new job that can help me find a house he can rent out or buy for him and his own family.
And we barely talk too, but every time we talk a bit, mostly relating to wanting to travel together and what not and starting a photography business together and doing films again.

Overall I feel lonely but we all have those days... so go out and enjoy the day rather then crying about your loneliness, cause deep down inside you know that your never alone, spirit has your back and the universe does too.

Keep your head up and look forward to your future!