I am gay.
Okay, fine. I am a lesbian. I am a homosexual. I like girls.
(But I'm also close enough to asexual that my idea of a hot date is a kiss).
I went to a new high school this year. Last year, I went to your stereotypical Worst High School in the World. You know. The one where they all get really good grades, and the yearbooks are filled with smiling jocks and cheerleaders, but inside the school, no one has friends, over half the people are depressed and suicidal, the teachers don't give a fuck about anyone, and no one can fit in, no matter what clubs they join or who they're friends with or who they date.
And I realized something, going to this new school. Us gayfolks, like myself, were persecuted.
You see, when I went to that school, I had a plan. In addition to being your typical straight-A student--or was it gay-A student?--I was going to get a girlfriend. I would find a sweet girl, we would hang out, become good friends, feel a bit of a spark, talk about our futures, and decide to become Official.
It didn't exactly turn out that way. Quite simply, there was no one for me.
Hold up, Perri, you're thinking. There were, like (2000? 1500? 6000? I have no clue, let's just say) a lot of people there. And you managed to pick up zero of them?
Seriously. They were all pieces of trash.
They watched Dan and Phil. But not in a "wow, they're so funny, and I am so psyched to get a llama shirt" kind of way. In a "they're so cute and definitely gay and I caught all the innuendoes in their last video" kind of way. (Fun fact: I catch 0-1 innuendo per video).
They were in band. But during band class, they would perform lap dances, so sectionals became sexuals. I just wanted to play my instrument and have fun.
They were depressed. But not in a "I just can't take it anymore, I'm going to hang myself with a pair of headphones" kind of way (if you're thinking of committing suicide, do it that way because it does not work). In a "Look at me, I am, like, such a failure" kind of way. Cries for help that no one answered.
I didn't want to date someone whose life was a cry for help. So I dated no one.
But at my new school, where the requirement to get into it is kindness, and therefore it is the most diverse bubble that I've ever encountered, I realized something. It wasn't a coincidence that every gay kid was a basket case.
When I tried to make friends, most people rejected me. Maybe it was the BTS haircut, or maybe it was the fact that I had a reputation for being freakishly smart (I was the kid who everyone went up to, like "Perri, will you check my answers?" "You're really hot, so, sure." "Thanks! God, Perri is such a freak!"). Regardless of how this happened, I ended up with exactly three friends. And zero acquaintances. And somewhere between 1497 and 5997 people that I disliked to some degree.
These three friends were all straight as a Taylor Swift concert. (I love the artist, but most of her fan base is, well, most of the world. And most of the world is straight). I started unintentionally gay-shaming myself. I never once told my friends about a crush I had that year (and it took me about three months of being in my new school to be able to openly talk about crushes). I congratulated them on their crush choices and encouraged them, telling them that they had a chance with them, because they were great people. But deep down, all that did was cement the rotting canker in my brain: the idea that gay was bad, and straight was good.
I think all the gay trash kids had that idea in their heads. But they had long since given up. So they resigned themselves to being oversexualized instrumentalists, because if they were going to be considered crazy, they might as well go all the way. If there was going to be something wrong with their sexuality, why not have everything wrong with their sexuality? Why not add watching-porn-in-class to their list of sexual screwups? (With this selection of people, are you starting to see why I was a lonely little bean?)
That leads to the question: what can we do about this?
It's pretty simple. In the end, people are just people. We just need to look past appearances and judge people on their personalities. Everyone wants a friend. And if they reject you when you try to be friends with them, then they sure as hell don't deserve you.
Cliques are cages. Anyone can be friends with anyone.
