Writing this blog, I'm starting to realize that I'm a very strange individual. For example: I feel the need to compulsively break out into song and dance all the time.
I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before on this blog. I've had to explain it to so many people IRL that I've forgotten who I've told.
It goes like this: If you say a certain phrase, I will link it to a song in my head, and automatically feel the need to start singing that song.
For example, if you told me that above paragraph, I would starting singing "And it goes like this, uh / Take me by the tongue and I'll know you / Kiss me till you're drunk and I'll show you"--and then I would trail off because those lyrics aren't very relevant to the situation.
And if you asked me, "Why do you break out into song and dance?" I would reply with "Because it's the time when I'm gonna break out! / Let the party start." (You probably don't know this one. It's Breakout by Miley Cyrus, cowritten with and produced by Antonina Armato and Tim James, and my friends are kind enough to forgive me when the music nerd takes over in real life).
I was playing laser tag with friends yesterday, and at some point we watched the instructional video that they give to noobs. It ended with "So, there's three things you need to remember in order to win laser tag," and then went on to list three things. My brain started cycling through its vast expanse of song lyrics to find lists of three. I found myself whispering to my friend, "There are three things you need to know to win laser tag. One, don't pick up the phone, he's only calling 'cause he's drunk and alone...." The friend issued me a Look of Pure Disappointment and a flat "Really?"
(Now, I wish I'd replied with "If you really, really love me, accept my song-lyric-isms").
I soon learned that normal people don't do this. And they become annoyed when I do this all the time. Well, either that or they're confused. And then they feel left out because they don't know the reference, and suddenly they're not as comfortable around me, and they find themselves disliking me because they are uncomfortable.
So I became really good at concealing it. Stopping myself. Keeping my thoughts to myself, saving it for only when I was alone.
Unfortunately, that happened to be when I wasn't in conversation, and people weren't bringing up song-trigger-phrases.
Recently, I found out that someone else does this. I was in a situation where I was working with two other people, and one of them dropped a reference to some song. The other issued the customary reply of "Really?" I asked if he did that often. He did.
It was a bad idea.
You see, I've had to hold this back for so long, I'd just accepted that I was Weird and everyone else didn't do that. Subconsciously, I started to think it was wrong. I refrained from it because I accepted that it made people uncomfortable.
But now, there was nothing holding me back.
(The only thing stopping me from making a Shawn Mendes reference is that I don't remember the lyrics that follow that phrase).
We were very unproductive. The third person who was working with us must have been furious. A fourth collaborator left because it was so disruptive. (The fourth collaborator does a lot of other cruel things to me, so I was okay with him leaving).
But it made me feel accepted, for once.
I feel like I should throw in a call-to-action for you. If you do something weird, unusual, or whatever, don't be afraid to do it. Chances are, there's someone else out there who does it.
I should heed my advice more often.
