I should come with a warning label.
I should wear it in a collar around my neck, like a dog does. Except a dog's collar has a way to return it to its owner. If I did have a dog's collar, it would read, Once you are tired of this product, leave it here. It will find its way back.
No, it should be more like a shock collar. So that maybe it could condition me to stop doing those things I do.
Anyway, point is, I'd wear a warning label around my neck. People would notice it and laugh, because how messed up do you have to be to have a warning label?
You'd think it has a lot of stuff on it. But once I come bounding up to you one day, with a blank look of expectation in my eyes, you'll see only one word on my tag.
Overanalyzer.
If you know what it means, you'll recoil immediately. Forget my wide, trusting eyes; you know there's nothing but evil in them. You know what I'll do to you, and you'll run for the hills, rather than making the mistake of getting close to me.
If you don't know, then maybe you'll frown and pick me up. You'll take me with you and care for me and grow attached.
Then, the instant you get upset, I'll attack you.
You wouldn't have expected such a powerful bite from such a tiny creature. Or such vicious nails, reopening your wounds, tearing open old scars until they bleed all over the floor. So you'll lay there, completely stunned as I tear you to pieces.
Then you'll say that word to me. The same word that's on my warning label. I'll realize what I've done, only afterwards, and my shock collar will show me what I need to learn. A thousand volts going through me, rattling my soul, making my heart stop.
You'll run away as I'm stunned, nursing your wounds, wondering why the hell you let me in.
So I need a warning label. One that'll save people from myself, one that'll stop people from suffering the painful fate that I inflict upon them.
