Do you know how much it hurts?
Do you know how painful it is to see you every day
and not be able to do a thing?
To watch you laugh with your friends
and not tell you how your smile makes me light up inside?
and not tell you how your eyes sparkle in any lighting?
and not tell you how beautiful you are?
Do you know how much it hurts?
To see your chameleon eyes every time you look at me
stormy-turbulent with frustration?
or dread-pale?
or when you don't look at me,
Ocean-blue with joy?
and to wish you looked like that
when you looked at me
and not like this?
How painful it is to see you every day
and only see the hurt that I cause you?
and only see your need to be far - far - far away from me?
and never see the smile that I can't hold back when I see you?
and never see the laughter that you bring to me?
and never see the hope in your eyes?
How painful it is to know that
what
i
am
made you feel this way?
To know that I can never kiss you
I can never feel your silky-soft lips against mine
I can never rest my arms on your shoulders
I can never stare into your eyes
I can never tell you how I feel.
How painful it is to know
that it's better this way
that it's better that I hurt
than that you hurt
because if you are hurting
because of me
then all of this was in vain.
Then every emotion I felt
then every compliment I held back
then every glance in your direction
then every butterfly in my stomach
then every blush
then every daydream
then every want
then every desire I ever felt...
All it did was hurt you.
That I gave you the greatest gift of all
my
undying
unconditional
love
and it turned out to be the greatest sin of all.
That you hate me for what I am and I cannot change that.
That nothing I do will make you love me like I do.
And that every attempt will make you hate me more.
