Why? ( Demi Lovato Fanfic )

Chapter 22

A/N

Before anything else I just wanted to say thank you for all the sweet comments and the messages you guys sent me.

I appreciate every single one of you and I'm sorry if this chapter sucks.

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I'm here crying. I don't know what to do. I was still in Cher's dad's arms. I can hear Cher's mom crying and I'm pretty sure the scene is breaking Demi's & Marissa's heart.

All of a sudden the doctor went out of the room.

I stood up faster than a blink of an eye and I went to the doctor. Then I felt Cher's dad arms around my shoulder and I felt her mom on my other side.

"We tried the best we could ... " no no no no this can't be happening to me.

I can feel tears at the rim of my eyes already. After what felt like an eternity he finally talked again.

"but I'm sorry she didn't make it." then he dropped the bombed.

"Mom" my voice cracked as I whispered this

I stood there numb. I didn't have a fit like earlier. I didn't start screaming at the doctor or anyone in particular. I didn't do anything. I just stood there staring at the ground crying silently.

I wiped my face and turned around facing everyone. They all looked at me waiting for a reaction. They're probably thinking that I'll have a bigger reaction than before, but I just felt numb.

"I'm gonna go for a walk." I whispered trying to pass them but Demi grabbed my arm

"Marissa and I can go with you" she said

I pulled my arms back to me and said "I wanna be alone please."

The thing is I shouldn't be left alone right now. I felt numb and the only way I know how to cope with that is if I cut.

I need to feel.

So that's what I'm gonna do. Right now I don't even care how far I go anymore.

My dad left.

Cher left.

Nathaniel left.

& sooner or later everyone else would leave.

They all leave. They tell you that they wouldn't but they all do at the end.

They say that they'll be there for you forever but sometimes forever only last for a second.

Everyone loves me temporarily.

They say they love me then they leave.

I believe that there's no Forever & Always.

She made me believe her. She told me that she'll always be there for me and that she'll love me forever.

She used to say good night and good morning to me before but once I was sent to Demi she stopped.

I would always message her "Good morning ☀️" and then I would message her "Good night. I love you Forever and Always 😍😘💕" but then sometimes she wont even answer.

I already tried my best not to burden her with my problems but at times when I tell her my problems she tells me to "stay strong" and I tell her that "I'm fine" and she just leaves it at that.

She use to tell me before that she knows "I'm not fine" when I say "I'm fine" but since I started living with Demi she wont even try.

She didn't  care anymore.

She told me that she'll never break her promises and I would tell her that "Promises are meant to be broken" and she tells me that she's not like other people.

She told me to never ever doubt her love for me and that she'll never forget me, but now I'm forgotten.

Yeah maybe I sound selfish right now. Maybe what I'm saying or thinking sounds horrible since she's dead because of her suicide attempt. I'm sad and I'm broken inside and I hate myself for not going into it deeper, I should have texted her more, I should have called more, but at the same time she should have done the same. I'm just mad on top of it because of the fact that she left me. After she promised me she wouldn't she still did. 

What hurts is I still care.

I still love her even though she doesn't love me back or at least I think so. 

My thoughts got interrupted by the receptionist,

"Addison May Lovato to the front desk please. Addison May Lovato to the front desk please. Thank you." 

Shit.

I just realized that my arm is covered with new scars and blood. 

It took like 30 minutes for the bleeding to stop and the receptionist has called me at least 4 times.

I took my hoodie and wore it to cover up my arms.

I tried to stand up but I fell back down because of dizziness.

Fuck. This can't be happening, not right now.

I tried standing up which I managed but I had to lean at the stall door while putting my blade at the back pocket of my pants.

I closed my eyes for a few seconds and opened it only to see everything blurry.

But I have to go out there before Demi finds me here.

I finally made it at the front desk, Demi and Marissa hugged me so tight that I could barely breathe.

"are you okay?" Demi asked

I looked at her confused for a second, "huh?"

"You look pale" Marissa pointed out.

Then all of a sudden darkness took over me.

A/N

I apologized for not updating for so long, I'm just going through some things.

I know this probably sucked and I'm sorry for that too but I promise it'll get better.

Stay Strong lovelies 💕