You're Blooming the Wrong Way

Chapter Ten

Friends.

To others, it may be easy to define this word. However, to someone like me who spent my entire life in solitude, I don't know what exactly it means. Kahit kailan, hindi ko naintindihan ang tunay na kahulugan ng salitang ito. Hindi rin ako naghangad ng kaibigan.

What are friends, anyway? Is there a need to make friends at all? No matter how close you are, there will always be one point in your relationship wherein you'd stab each other on the back. Iyon ang paniniwala ko. Kung hindi ka gagamitin, sasaksakin ka patalikod.

He just proved it to me. Hana Shiota did.

"I wanna go home." bulong ko sa aking sarili. It was already past eleven, but I couldn't get myself to sleep. Ang gulo ng isip ko ngayon. Ang dami kong iniisip kaya hindi ako makatulog.

I refuse to think about Hana, but he just keeps on messing with my head. Hindi ko alam kung paano namin nakuhang bumalik sa bahay nila nang hindi nag-uusap. I had nothing to say, anyway. I was in no mood to talk with him. Mainit pa ang ulo ko ngayon.

Kanina pa ako pagulong-gulong sa kama at talagang hindi ako makatulog. Ang daming nangyari ngayong araw. I went to the cultural festival with Hana. He admitted his little scheme. After that, I met an undeniably handsome stranger who gave his number to me.

I feel so drained.

I flinched when somebody knocked on the door. Dahan-dahan itong bumukas at bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko noong sumilip si Hana sa may pintuan. Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa.

"Can we talk?"

Tipid akong tumango sa kanya. He took a deep breath as he carefully entered the room. Ako naman, nanatili lang akong nakahiga sa kama at tinakpan ko ng kumot ang aking mukha. The bed squeaked as Hana took a seat on the side.

"Taki arrived with his girlfriend earlier. They'll be staying here for the night." panimula niya. "Haru, the owner of this room, also came home tonight. You don't have to worry about him, though. Alam naman niyang nandito ka at hiniram mo ang kwarto niya. For the time being, he'll be sleeping on Sora's room." He placidly told me as if nothing crucial happened tonight.

Napatango na lang ako. "I see. Thank you."

"Bakit gising ka pa?" malumanay niyang tanong sa akin.

Ibinaba ko ang kumot at sinilip ko siya gamit ng aking mga mata. "I was thinking of you. Ikaw? Ba't gising ka pa?"

He smiled softly. "I was thinking of you as well."

No one dared to break the silence. Kahit natatakpan ang kalahati ng aking mukha, hindi ko naiwasang mailang dahil titig na titig si Hana sa akin. I have always liked how he looked at me straight in the eye. Pakiramdam ko nasa akin lang ang atensyon niya.

"Galit ka ba sa akin?" tanong niya.

I pursed my lips. "Well, not mad. Just pissed."

"Can you tell me how you feel, Lucy?"

My eyes watered upon hearing his question. I hate myself for being a softie when it came to him. This is the main reason why I didn't like being attached to other people. They become my weakness.

"I just... I feel so betrayed, Hana." My voice cracked as I spoke. His face softened as he listened to me. "All I want is to be friends with you. I know that I should just be contented how you managed to bear with me, but I can't get myself to be happy." Tears streamed down to my cheeks. "I feel like shit, Hana. I'm starting to lose faith in people. I'm starting to think that everyone in the future will approach me with ulterior motives."