You're Blooming the Wrong Way

Chapter Thirty-Eight

We all have our own share of bad deeds, from the smallest lies to the biggest conspiracies. Doing things with malicious intent is already part of us. After all, we are sinners by nature.

However, the sin itself doesn't really matter. What's done is done, and we can no longer revert time to correct our mistakes. Instead of wasting your time regretting your decisions, spare some effort to make things right. That's how the cycle of life works.

You're not supposed to get stuck in the past, you learn from it.

"I'm sorry, Hana."

His face softened when I gently removed my hand from his grip. Nang magtagpo ang aming mga mata, kusang bumagsak ang mga luha ko.

"I don't know how to put my feelings into words, but let me start by thanking you for all the things that you've done for me, Hana." A sob escaped from my lips as I spoke. "Thank you for coming into my life. Things have been fun and meaningful because of you. I changed into a better person, and I will forever be grateful for that."

He pursed his lips. My heart was torn asunder when he began crying. Napayuko si Hana at tahimik siyang umiyak sa tabi ko.

I didn't want any of this to happen, but there's no turning back. I'm already here. Even if I postpone the supposed confrontation, I'd still hurt him. I don't want to prolong the agony anymore. Hangga't maaga, gusto ko nang tapusin ang lahat.

This is the decision that I've made.

"You were my first friend. We found comfort in each other when Lars left both of us hanging after his accident. It was an unexpected yet beautiful friendship." Maging ako ay nahawa na rin sa pag-iyak. Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko. "We grew stronger because both of us relied on each other. There were good times and bad times."

My mind wandered back to all the memories that I've shared with him. From the moment when I heard him confessing his unrequited love to my unconscious brother until our last trip to Japan. All the days that I spent with him seemed to be shades of black and white.

I was pained, but I was happy most of the time.

"If you didn't draw the line between us, my feelings would've bloomed into something deeper. Until now, my heart still hurts every time I think of what we could've been." My voice cracked but I still pressed on. "You hurt me more than my fingers could count, but I still wanna thank you, because I wouldn't meet such a wonderful person like Haru if it weren't for you."

I lowered my head to him as a sign of respect.

"I'm sorry, but I don't love you. I was confused at first, but now I'm sure of the answer. I'm in love with someone else, Hana." My chest heaved at my own words. "Perhaps I was in love with the idea of liking you because my youth began with our friendship, but I no longer have the same sentiments." I needed to be brave to say those things.

My throat hurts. Why is it so difficult to speak at a time like this?

"Nothing can justify my mistakes. I used Haru to stop myself from liking you, but I kissed you back when I was dating him. I have no excuses for that." I wiped my tears. "But I don't think I can ever date you in peace knowing that we hurt somebody in the process."

Hindi naman siya sumagot kaya nagpatuloy ako sa pagsasalita.

"Palagi kong maaalala si Haru at ang ginawa natin sa kanya. Hindi rin ako magiging masaya sayo, Hana. I will always feel guilty."

"I understand." Finally, he spoke. His eyes were swollen from all the crying, but Hana still forced a smile. "To be honest, I saw it coming. I mean, who wouldn't love my brother? He's the best."