You're Blooming the Wrong Way

Chapter Fourteen

Humans are evil in nature. There is no such person who is perfect in every aspect. We all have our own share of bad deeds, demons that we're trying to hide or to get rid of. Lahat tayo, may kanya-kanyang baho. May mga tao lang talaga na magaling magtago ng mga ito.

As for me, I have never been an expert when it came to lying. In some instances, I would put up a nonchalant face, but that's the best of my pretense. For the record, I've never managed to control my emotions during situations that caught me off guard. It irritates me, but I have a very honest face. I'm basically a simpleton.

Even now, I'm such an easy person to read.

"You don't seem happy that I regained consciousness, Lucy."

"Don't fuck with me." I retorted in a flat tone. "I was just surprised. It feels surreal, Lars. I still can't process the fact that you're finally awake." I told him, masking my halfheartedness with coldness. I'm ashamed to admit it, but there's a little part of me which can't celebrate my brother's recovery.

Damn, I'm sick. I can't believe that I'm getting worried about myself instead of being thankful that my brother is finally awake. Hindi na kataka-taka kung sa impyerno ako bumagsak. Masyadong halang ang kaluluwa ko. I should just die for being too self-centered.

"I was expecting a livelier reaction from you." I couldn't help but feel guilty. "Did something happen while I was asleep?" My brother pried. He smiled to me as if he knew what's on my mind. My heart clenched at the idea. This is bad... I should think of an excuse.

"Nothing happened." pagsisinungaling ko.

"Really?" He asked. "You've gotten close to Hana, though."

I flinched. Why am I feeling like this? Why do I feel like I've done something wrong? Why does it seem like he's interrogating me right now? Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako kinakabahan.

"Bawal ba akong makipagkaibigan kay Hana?" I tried my best to sound casual, but I was really in panic. "In the first place, you're the one who told me that I should befriend him." katwiran ko.

"I didn't say anything. You're too defensive." Kumalabog ang aking dibdib noong humalakhak siya. "In fact, I'm happy that you finally made a friend. You're unexpectedly astute, Lucy." For the first time, I felt uneasy around him. Lars had always been my comfort zone, but he's not acting his usual self right now. My twin brother seems different. Calling me astute... Is he implying that I took advantage of his state to steal Hana?

"I'll buy something to eat." I swallowed the lump on my throat. Talo ako. Wala akong masabi. I can't even come up with a proper reply. It feels as though he's cornering me right now.

Hindi ko napigilan ang pangangatog ng mga tuhod ko habang naglalakad ako paalis. Bago pa man ako tuluyang makalabas sa kanyang silid, muli akong tinawag ni Lars. Nilingon ko siya.

"I wasn't totally asleep the whole time." malumanay niyang sabi na mas lalong nagpakaba sa akin. "I was unconscious, but I could hear your voices. Hindi mo na kailangang magpaliwanag sa akin."

"Is that so?" I replied. Ngumiti lang siya sa akin at pilit ko naman itong sinuklian. Nang tuluyan na akong makalabas, tiyaka lamang ako nakahinga nang maluwag. Napahawak ako sa puso ko.

I don't understand. I'm genuinely happy that my brother's finally awake, but why does he seem like an entirely different person? Bakit pakiramdam ko, nagbago siya? Natutuliro ako. The gentle look on his face was still there, but his eyes... He was looking at me as if he was warning me not to go further than friends with Hana.

"Sana nagkakamali lang ako." I whispered to myself. May kutob na ako kung bakit siya nagbago, pero sana talaga mali ako.

I spent half an hour trying to calm myself. I can't go on like this. Wala naman akong ginagawang masama, kaya hindi dapat ako umakto nang ganito. Magkaibigan lang kami ni Hana. We've gotten close because of the unfortunate accident that my brother went through. That's the truth, right?