Only You

Cash P.O.V

My head hurts like hell. The light beaming in from the window is stinging my eyes, my nose feels like it's going to fall off. And the only warmth and comfort I have is coming from Riley's naked body beside me. I remember the argument we had last night and then fixing our problems like most twenty something year olds by fucking like we're crazy, whats worse... I remember the things I said.
"Love don't mean shit to me" echos in my head. I can't believe I screamed at her like that and said it. All I want is to rewind time and go back to a better place. Before things were complicated, before fame. I feel like shit.
While I'm deep in thought I feel Riley's arm move across my chest and her looking up at me. She gets on top of me and I hold her in my lap just looking into her eyes. She's beautiful.

"I'm sorry about last night" I say feeling the sadness in my voice, she just shrugs.
"It's fine" she strokes my cheek
"It's not.." I hold her hand in mine
"Stop talking" She whispers in my ear and starts kissing me softly, each kiss growing more and more passionate. I hold her by her hips as we grind against each other, the kissing moving from her lips to neck. I turn her so that she's on her back and I'm over her body, she looks in my eyes mouths the words
i love you before taking my face in her hands and kissing me again, I run my hands up the sides of her waist as she arches her back. I bury my face into her neck and start kissing and sucking on it while feeling her breasts, she pulls my body closer to hers. I tease her sex for a bit by fingering before entering my member inside her, making her back arch and her gasp. I rock hard and slow then faster and deeper. She keeps me in with those hips and my teeth sink into her lips, nails scratching on my back. She gets on top and rides me. The deeper and faster we go the louder she moans, screaming out my name which only turns me on more, I love making her call out my name. I know how to make her body levitate and drive her crazy, making her eyes roll back and her back arch she finally cums. I flip her on her back again digging deeper and deeper, Not too long after I cum too. I get off of her and lay beside her, both of us absolutely breathless. She giggles and stands up getting dressed I lay there and just watch. I get up and slip on pants and toss a jacket on but nothing underneath, leaving it unzipped.

I sit back down on the bed and pick up my phone to answer texts from the band and my manager she picks up the mess of our clothes in the hallway from last night and storms into the room throwing a bag of cocaine at me. Fuck. I put my phone down and look at her.

"Riley, I only did it last night.. i..it was only one line baby, ight? I swear to god.." I stutter
"Really? Then why is it a whole fucking bag Cash? A  person who's only doing a line doesn't have a huge bag of coke on them!" she scolds me I look away biting my lip. Great. We went from loving and fucking to arguing again.... and it's all my fault. I can't even lie. She stands there yelling at me, throwing her hands in the air and all I do is tune her out and listen to the demons in my mind creeping in telling me how much of a piece of shit I am and to leave her. I just stay silent. I know she wants to cry and I know she wants to help me and fix me but I can't even help myself. All I do since I got famous is party like rockstar, do drugs, drink every day, fucked girls behind Riley's back that she doesn't even know how many there really are (which kills me inside and i hate hiding from her but i can't tell her...), I've become everything I promised I wouldn't. She storms out the room and I zone back in.

"Baby please" I beg following after her, she just keeps walking down the hall, ignoring me.
I grab her by the arm and yank her to be face to face with me, making her not look away, not able to move. She struggles to get out my grasp but i don't let her go and not hold her wrist tighter, finally she gives in.
"Let me go" she growls at me, I sigh annoyed
"Will you listen to me?" I ask her, she nods and I let her out my grasp, her rubbing her wrist, I can see the mark I left on her. I look away.
"I'm sorry" is all I can say, she just stands there
"Fine.." she says quietly, looking at the floor. She walks away from me, leaving me in the hallway. I feel like no matter what I do she's always pissed at me and that I'm never enough for her. One minute we're so in love and then next we're fighting and pissed at each other.
I can never keep up anymore. I don't know what to do.

I turn around going to our room and fix myself up, I get my toss shoes on, grabbing my keys and sunglasses heading to the door.
I can't do this, I have to leave.
"Where are you going" I hear Riley say behind me, she follows me I just ignore her.
Walk faster! It feels like the door is miles away but Eventually I get to the door and open it.
"Don't leave! Cash!" I hear her say behind me she goes to reach for my hand and i push her away as I slam the door behind me, I don't stop walking till i'm in my car  and just drive the fuck away from there.

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I know I've  been driving forever because I have no idea where I am and it's getting dark outside, plus I'm low on gas. I stop at a gas station and fill up the tank and hit the road driving back home.

Fuck I'm pretty sure Riley is worried sick about me, I've been gone for hours just driving and clearing my mind. I gotta change or maybe I have and that's why I'm acting like a monster. I pull up in the parking lot of our apartment building and make it up to our suite. I stand there by the door not knowing what possibly awaits me inside. Either she's sad and pissed or asleep. I take a deep breath and unlock the door and open up. Lights are on so she is home, I walk into the kitchen and grab a Pepsi and then into the living room, nope not in here. I make my way to the bedroom and there she is, but not asleep. Just in our bed watching something on Netflix. She looks up at me and pauses whatever she's watching. I stand there.

"Where'd you go?" she asks weakly, I sit on the bed next to her, she holds my hand, I hold hers.
"I was driving. Didn't really have a destination, just drove..." I say looking into her eyes sadly.
"I'm just glad you're okay" she leans her head on my shoulder I put my arm around her
"Are we okay?" she asks sounding afraid
"Yes baby. We are" I say not even sure myself but enough to not scare her or distance her.
"I hope so" she holds my hand tighter. I let her go and turn to her so we're face to face.
"Listen, we always will be. I love you so much Riley, nothing will ever change that" I say meaning every word I say. She nods
"Okay" she says softly, hopefully believing me.
I kiss her and hold her in my arms.
"I love you" I say muffled into her neck
"I love you too" she says holding me tighter.

We watch a movie and she ends up falling asleep on my chest. I smile looking at her asleep, I kiss her cheek and take the remote out of her hands to turn off the tv. I turn the lamp off next to me and put a blanket on us falling asleep, holding her close to me. This has been a chaotic past two days, I just want to make the next ones not crazy and her to trust me.
She all I've got, all I want, all I need.
I can't lose her, I am nothing without her.
I am going to marry her one day.