Impulse

NINE: ESTRANGE

It has been like this for the past one month, Adilah's relationship with her husband was nearing a dangerous place, their marriage had always faced challenges.
Even though there wasn't a decree he didn't award her as his wife, respect, care, kindness and most of all his bank account, it still wasn't enough. She always felt estranged from him, like he wasn't giving her enough of anything. His heart, his love, sometimes she even feels he hold back on performing his duties as her husband.

ESTRANGED... was a their relationship as it came to a fore, facing too much interference from people who surround them. What more could her heart want and not get??? Yet today her heart had everything it wanted, she wanted nothing more than to tell him the most joyous of news, one which she had lied about once before.

Abdulmaleek flipped through the channels, he was distant. She took the seat adjacent to his, while he seemed oblivious to her presence she stared at him. His black T-shirt clung to his muscles like it was sown on him. His eyes flicker as he flipped through the channels, seeming completely uninterested.

She tried to think of something they had in common, small talk perhaps to start the conversation, nothing comes to mind. "Babe.." she started, very much quietly than audibly. His eyes were still focused on the TV obviously unaware of her attempt. "Babe.." she said again louder. He raised his eyebrow, slightly glancing at her.

Adilah realized that she didn't actually think anything through, why was it hard for her to talk to her own husband. "Can we talk???" She asked, after being unable to come up with any small talk.

"Sure.." he said and turned off the TV "... whats up?" His attention now focused on her instead of the TV, she then realized that he was in desperate need of a distraction. These days he seem less and less occupied with work and more occupied with thought.

She wanted to say "I'm carrying your child" and watch him lit up, for finally she was with child and it was his. "I love you" she said instead. Her heart heavy with feelings as her eyes stayed glued to his, her soul yearned for those words to be said back to her, for his eyes to speak the same language that hers spoke.

His eyes stayed glued to hers, and as desperately as he knew she wanted to hear those words back, those were the only words in the world he couldn't say to her, for to him they symbolize a betrayal of duty, of which he was bound to.

Her eyes pleaded with him to say it back, he wanted to but aside the question of duty, he still had questions on what love was to him and what it represents. Again he was forced to find a way out besides telling his wife that he loved her back.

He moved from his seat to hers, the atmosphere maintained a degree of tranquility. His eyes traced the edges of her face, the desperation her eyes displayed. He held her head to his chest and laid her there to the beat of his heart as he gently brushed her hair with his hand. What came next? Silence... "Abdulmaleek I love you" she said quietly again, this time she was begging him to say it back.

"Adilah..." he started but cut his words short.
"You can't even pretend?" She asked still lying on his chest. She moved a way from him slowly. "Why can't you love me?" She asked, for it was a question that has left her worried in the dark of the night, often times than not. Night after night she felt alone and lonely.

"What are you talking about, but I do" he said defensively, but even he knew that his defenses were too weak.

Adilah's heart was breaking, her ego crushed. She knew if she persisted they would have the same argument they've had since the beginning of their marriage and she was tired of feeling unwanted. She quietly stood away from him and left without telling him what she wanted to. To her he wasn't worth being the father of her child, a child she felt was created with the love of another.