Venom & Oblivion

Chapter 7

Kicking the cracked stones near his feet and watching his own actions, Jinyoung let his thoughts wander elsewhere. They couldn't help but kept returning to what had happened yesterday.

The fight, the unexpected kiss and confession and Mark's disappeared figure. Had Mark's words really confirmed that their friendship had come to an end? Or had he just blurted out those words, being driven by anger?

Jinyoung turned his head around to take a glance at their classroom, which he found was still empty, with no students inside yet. Especially no Mark yet.

For the past half an hour, he had been sitting on this bench just outside the classroom, where Mark used to sit alone.

He needed to see Mark and talk to him, when the latter might be, Jinyoung hoped, already cool down by now. He had kept saying 'sorry' to Mark yesterday; but somehow it did not seem enough. If Mark still felt offended, Jinyoung was ready to apologise to him again.

Anything, he would do to keep their friendship. Anything except lying to Mark that he loved him.

Love. That was a topic which seemed so far from him and did not concern him. In some way or other, he loved Mark, but not sexually or romantically; it was just the pure friendship love.

Some more minutes passed before some figures of students appeared and their chatter was heard in the school compound.

There were already some students seated in their classroom but still not Mark yet. Jinyoung had no desire to enter the room; it would be better to talk to Mark outside than inside the class.

But his hope started to fade away when Mark did not appear even when it was just about a few minutes left before the class started. With a resigned sigh, Jinyoung dragged his feet to the classroom and went straight to his seat, where he had sat for the past month.

At least, Mark would be beside him, when he came to the class. But Jinyoung doubted Mark would attend the class at all today.

The teacher came in; and with the final hope, Jinyoung glanced at the entrance. This time, however, his hope was not crushed as someone with the stony, cold eyes and unhurried steps, walked into the classroom.

Jinyoung could not stop his eyes from following Mark's figure. When Mark turned his head towards Jinyoung's direction and their eyes met, Jinyoung beamed at him, in hope to lighten up the tension between them.

If he had not believed Mark's words about ending their friendship, he should now, especially when Mark headed for an empty seat at the right corner of the room, much far away from Jinyoung.

Mark's scrapes looked a little better than yesterday and there were no more plasters on them. Jinyoung's eyes fell on Mark's hand, which was now bandaged and kept on the desk. The sight made Jinyoung feel guilty, not just about the bandaged hand but all of Mark's cuts.

Somehow, the fight had started because Mark had intended to stand up for Jinyoung, who Kang and Lann had thrown accusations against.

Jinyoung felt guilty but at the same time, it became more and more clear to him that Mark loved him. He felt quite relieved; if Mark loved him, he would forgive him, Jinyoung reassured himself.

The whole morning, Jinyoung kept throwing glances at Mark, who he hoped would, at least, spare a glance at him. It would make him feel easier if he could be certain that Mark still cared about him.

But there was no returning glance, not even a tilting head.

Jinyoung braced himself to meet Mark's cold and frustrated eyes but still stood his ground, blocking Mark unwaveringly.

There were no more students in the room, but only two of them. Lunch break was the perfect time to talk the things out, Jinyoung hoped.

"Get out of my way!" Mark demanded, looking at Jinyoung exasperatedly.

"Why don't you sit at your usual seat? Is it because of me?"

"You know the answer. Now, get away or do I need to push you away?"

Mark stepped forward either to avoid Jinyoung or do what he had said, but Jinyoung held up his hands, "Please, just a moment," he exhaled, "I'm sorry. Please tell me that we aren't giving up this friendship."

Mark's lips turned to a smile - a smile, which made Jinyoung's blood run cold, "Are you telling me that you want to keep me as your friend when I've already admitted to you that I keep insincere feelings for you? If you're that understanding and broad-minded, a round of applause from me. But I'm not as noble as you."

"But Mark,..." Jinyoung could not find any words. However, the reason why Mark refused to keep their friendship was slowly sinking in. "But no one will be beside you. Your History test. Your lunch. And everything we've done together. Are you going to drop them just like that? I get it if you're confused now. I'll give you space and time but Mark, please consider our friendship. We were doing so fine and all," Jinyoung sighed, "I'm going. Please think of everything."

Jinyoung turned around to leave but Mark's hand grabbed his arm, stopping him and making him turn back.

"No need to give me time or anything. And I have nothing to think of. Just keep in your mind that I can never be your friend again."

Jinyoung's face fell, "Is that the same reason? Why can't we?"

"What do you expect me to feel? Is it not enough that my hopes have been crushed down once? What are you going to do? Make me feel again like I'm the world to you and then insist that you've no feelings whatsoever for me?"

"I've never intended to. But I do care about you."

Mark let go of Jinyoung's arm and said, "That's the problem. Don't fucking care about me! You never intend to make me misunderstand but your actions did, nonetheless. It's better to part our ways. If you want to hate me, then that's your choice. I'm leaving."

Mark stormed out of the classroom and Jinyoung was left, his heart in pain with the thought that this was their real ending.

The school compound was now beginning to be clear of the students and their endless noise. Most of the students were now either heading for the bus-stop or for their parents outside the school gate, who would drive them home.

Jinyoung remained on the same bench, which he had sat that morning. He needed the silence to himself and dreaded leaving this comfort zone and being among other people again.

The whole day, all he could think about was Mark's words, which were haunting him even now. There was no more point trying to reassure himself that Mark had not meant them. Because he knew very well that Mark had meant every single word.

Was that just a part of a high school student's life? Making friends and then those friends falling apart. That thought did not comfort Jinyoung and once again, tears started to well up in his eyes. Moving on would be harder than he could imagine, when he had been so used to being beside Mark and their little routines every single day. But if there was no other way, the only thing was to move on. That was what Mark had chosen for both of them.

Far away, that was what Jinyoung would always be to him from now on. Seeing Jinyoung's tears, it hurt him and every minute, was crippling his resolution. Hiding himself behind a tree, he watched Jinyoung who was wiping his tears. It broke his heart.

Love had come, uninvited. Even though he had never regretted about loving Jinyoung, deliberately hurting him was the regret that was slowly starting to kick in.

That was it. That was the end of their story, just because there was no possible way to continue it.

A few minutes later, Jinyoung got off the bench and dabbing his eyes, left the place. The figure getting further away and disappearing.

Mark came out of his hiding spot and made his way to the gate, making sure that Jinyoung was already out of the gate. This school had never become familiar to him, only Jinyoung had. But now he was determined to let that comfort and warmness go, with no point to regain them. Tears escaped his eyes but instead of wiping them away, he gritted his teeth, promising himself that he would never let his decision waver for any reason.