The Break Up Plan

21: BELLA RANTS

"It's my life, I can do whatever the hell I want with it!" I yell.

"I gave you that life and I sure as hell have a say in what you do with it" My mother yells back.

"I'm sorry, God" I throw my hands up in frustration, "I don't understand you people, when Tyler was going to college, you didn't want him to go to Harvard, you wanted him to do something in the creative arts and now that's what I want to do and you won't let me?"

"When Gerald was going to-" I cut her off, "His name is Tyler!" I scream.

"That's it young lady, stop speaking to your mother like that" my dad says sternly.

I turn to glare at him, my anger pulsating off me in waves, "Why not? You talk to her like that"

"Gwendolyn!" she gasps.

"I've told you ceaselessly my name is Isabella!" I swear I'm losing my voice soon.

My mother turns to my father, "I told you those first names you came up with would cause trouble but you never listen"

He raises an eyebrow, "Well they both prefer the names I gave them to the one you gave them"

She rolls her eyes, "Oh please, if you hadn't given them a choice they wouldn't be acting out like this"

He scoffs, "of course, I should let my kids walk around with the most stupid names ever"

I blink, what's happening?

Mom gasps, "Are you insinuating that my ideas are stupid?"

"We just have to look at your designs and we have our answer" dad retorts.

The doorbell rings through the house and in a flash, I grab my bag and sprint for the door to see Cole waiting outside.

His head snaps up when the yelling from inside becomes loud and clear. "Um-I"

"Let's just get out of here" I mumble.

He nods and leads me to his motorcycle, I don't even acknowledge the fact that I'm still slightly scared of it.

He hands me his helmet and I wordlessly take it, making sure not to meet his eyes cause I know if I do, I'll burst like a fountain

"I know, I know I should get another helmet" he tries to joke.
I don't answer and just climb on behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist like he's taught me to.

He doesn't go fast like he usually does to annoy me.

"Where are we?" I whisper my question when we stop at the edge of a forest.

"Don't worry, I'm not here to murder you and dispose of your body" he tries to joke again.

I sigh, looking down at my sandals. I appreciate what he's trying to do but honestly? All I want to do right now is find a cliff and throw myself off it.

"Um, I'd rather you didn't do that" Cole says awkwardly.

Great, now I'm thinking out loud.

Cole takes my hand and with a gentle tug, leads me deeper into the trees.

A few minutes later, we stop and I peer around Cole to see why.

There's the most beautiful sight I've seen in a while. We're standing at the foot of the prettiest stone bridge right out of some fairtytale. Underneath, is water rushing over stones, the only sound in the calm area.

"Wow" I breathe.

Cole smiles and leads me unto the bridge.

Cole helps my sit at the edge so I can feel the spray of mist on my legs.

"I found this place during one of my wanderings" he tells me.

"It's beautiful" I whisper.

We share a moment of silence and I wait patiently, "Are you-"

"No" I breathe out, cutting him off, "I'm not okay, I don't think I've ever been okay" I inhale sharply as I feel the tears start to sting.

I don't resist when Cole moves closer to me and wraps his arm around my shoulders, pulling me to his chest.

I lean in as the first set of tears start flowing and soon enough, I'm having a full blown cry fest against his chest.

He gently strokes my hair, rocking us back and forth and I can't help but feel like such a big baby.

After some time, I force myself to release the fabric of his flannel shirt I had grabbed and push away gently. "I'm sorry" I sniff "I'm such a baby"

He shrugs, "It's a good thing I have experience with Riley at home"

I crack a small smile at that, feeling much better after transforming all my problems into a stain on Cole Matthews' shirt.

"All my life" I start, "I've felt the pressure to be perfect, look a certain way, act a certain way" I pluck a leaf from one of the trees hanging low and take it apart bit by bit.

"And God no one makes it easy. Her parents are rich and famous, she's probably a stuck up bitch, she's the head cheerleader, major slut, blonde and blue eyed? She'll probably be a bimbo, I swear if I ever hear another "hey have you heard this joke? A blonde and a brunette walk into a bar..."" I groan.

I stand and begin to pace the bridge, "And my parents?" I let out a bitter chuckle "You get straight As, go to Harvard, dress like a model always, stay on a diet, don't laugh too much or frown too much. No one asks me what I want, no one cares what I want. And the worst part?"

I plop back beside Cole as he continues patiently listening to me rant, "I've spent so much time  being someone else that I don't even know how to be me anymore, who am I? What do I want? I don't know"

I let my head fall into my hands as I sigh heavily, "And my parents!" I jerk back up, "They pride themselves on making me perfect when they don't know the first thing about perfection themselves. Everyone sees them as this amazing power couple" I scoff, "If only the world knew just how shitty they are, shitty parents, shitty spouses" I let out a  scream muffled by my clenched fist, "Shitty people" I whisper "And sometimes, I have to try really hard to make sure I don't start hating them"

"I wish we could just be normal" I exhale, "Everyone says normal is boring but I crave normal so much, I wish I could be that down to earth girl next door with the perfect personality that everyone always seems to fall for, with the right amount of dysfunctionality but still has that fighting attitude or whatever it is that works for them. I just-" I stop as my voice begins to break.

"I just wish" I whisper. "If we'd stayed poor, if they didn't fight so much, pressure me so much, if I was just a completely different person"

I sigh and let Cole pull me back into the warmth of his arms.

"Is it my turn to talk?" he asks quietly.

I sniffle and nod against him. I feel him take a deep breath and then he says, "You're blonde and blue eyed and the smartest girl I know, your parents are rich and famous and you use your privilege to help others, you're the head cheerleader and an amazing leader"

A small smile starts to make it's way to my face as he continues, "You get straight As, you can go wherever you want, you can smile and frown and laugh and cry as much as you want, you can wear and eat what you want"

He gently pushes me away, turning me to face him with his arms firmly on my shoulders, "You don't have to change or be normal or different, just be who you are, I like her and I know everyone will too"

I choke back a sob and throw my arms around his neck, "I have no idea why you still put up with me" I whisper as he wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me closer.

"But thank you"

***

Hey guys! Sorry that was short but it was so deep 🤧

Question: I want to hear your "Bella" rants.

💕Sophie