40: I AM NOW

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A knock on the door jolts me out of my reverie, “Come in”

Cole walks in and I have to try really hard not to make any reaction whatsoever apart from the expectant gaze.

“I um-” he clears his throat awkwardly and gestures to the pile of clothes in his hand, “I brought you something to sleep in.

I take steady steps to meet him and take the clothes out of his hand, careful not to let our skin brush, “thank you”

He nods and I bite back a smile when he scratches the back of his neck nervously, “so uh, there’s a spare toothbrush, soap, shampoo and toilet paper in the bathroom cupboard and there’s a towel in the closet, if you need anything else, lemme know, yeah?”

I nod, “thank you”

“You’re welcome”

He turns to leave, “Cole?”

He turns, “yeah?”

I smile, “Goodnight, frog”

He smiles back, “Goodnight, princess”

Once the door clicks shut, I inhale the pile of clothes in my arms.

***

I stare at the white ceiling, unable to fall asleep, the events of the day running wild in my mind. My mind sifts through all Cole told me today about his scarred past and his relationship with Riley. Then it drifts to tonight and that moment we shared. What would’ve happened if Gabby hadn’t come down at that moment? I close my eyes and his face appears behind my lids, his smile and his eyes.

I smile as memories of our time together pop into my mind. The day we met, my first time on his motorcycle, the first day I met Riley and Gabby, the winter formal, new year’s day, when I pretended to be his girlfriend, that day on the bridge, the school trip and the treasure hunt, every time he hugged me or smiled at me or called me princess. My chest swells with warmth. I am hopelessly, irrevocably in love with Cole Matthews.

My phone buzzes and my eyes open. One look at the screen causes a smile to light my face.

Cole: You up?

Did you just send me a ‘u up?’ text?

Cole: 🙄 in that case, yeah you are up. Can’t sleep?

Nope, you?

Cole: same. My mind can’t seem to stop spinning.

Yeah, mine too.

Cole: are you decent?

What?

Cole: Are. You. Decent?

Kinda, why?

I wait for a reply but instead, my door slowly opens.

I stare incredulously as Cole gently shuts the door behind him. He smiles sheepishly, “hey”

I’m suddenly aware that under the blankets, I’m only wearing Cole’s shirt, “Hi” I answer back.

“You really do sleep with the lights on”

I shrug, “yeah”

He smiles, “may I?”

I nod and make room as he sits on the bed next to me. He turns to me and I see his eyes; puffy and red-rimmed, “Cole, were you-?”

“Only a little” he concedes.

“Would you like to not sleep together?”

He chuckles slightly, “yeah, I’d like that”

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