Lost (Levi x OC)

Chapter 14 - Dreams from the Past

Eclaire 

I lie in bed, thinking back to what happened these past few days.

By some miracle, I'm still alive and I'm grateful for it but-

They didn't make it.

I feel so hollow- 

So...

Empty.

I sigh. No matter how often it happened back then, I still can't get used to it.

I'm still sane...

...still human as ever.

When we arrived, people were either cheering for us, questioning us, or nothing.

The kids were what bothered me the most. To think that they aspire to be like us one day is like they're asking to be killed in exchange for a moment of freedom outside the walls and knowledge of the titans. How naive and innocent. We lost a lot of people... I lost my squad mates.

Is it worth it?

To fight those disgusting creatures, to explore new horizons, to put an end to this madness... To put an end to the nearing of humanity's extinction...

Of course it's important... But most people don't see it.

THEY KNEW THE RISK OF GOING OUT THERE JUST TO FEND OFF THOSE MAN-EATING MONSTERS--

Yet they still blame us for their deaths.

Those bastards don't even know how much the Scout's existence contributed to humanity's salvation and they still think of us as suicidal maniacs!

They can't even leave the walls.

Cowards.

They don't know anything so why do I even work hard for them?

What they think aren't important. I don't work hard for their recognition.

I work hard because I'm one of the few people capable.

But why... I'm back to square one again. Why do they die?

I still blame the titans but what if I went back to help them instead of just making sure Eren went back safely?

I could've saved them.

If I could just turn back time and saved what I could save.

There's also the fact that we could've ran away togethe-

Forget it. It already happened. There's nothing I can do now.

It's just so unfair to see myself alive and breathing while they died because of the female titan.

Aw crap... I'm at it again.

I sigh, as I wiped off the tears that cascaded down my cheek.

"Damn it," I said while creating a sniffling noise.

Yes, I'm crying like a wimp.

And I ended up crying myself to sleep.

---

Sounds of bloodcurdling screams rang throughout my ears as I dreamt of this lucid, yet muddled dream.

Horrific.

It may as though I was shackled with chains.

I open my eyes only to see nothing.

It feels like a piece of cloth was wrapped around my head, covering my eyes.