Holding Onto You

Part 2 - Chapter 12 - First Fights Are Always The Worst

When the doorbell rang I casually walked down the stairs slick hoping it wasn't my mom and dad on the other side of the door.

Luckily it wasn't. "Hey!" I said opening it. Stephon had his hands in his pockets. "Hey." He said walking in giving me a kiss. I looked outside to see his car wasn't there. "Where's your car?" "I didn't want your parents to roll up and see it there so i walked." I smiled and closed the door behind him. We walked slowly up the stairs.  "What's wrong?" I asked. We both stopped, he put his arm around my shoulder, and sighed. "I love you... You know that right?" I grabbed his hand and bit my bottom lip. "Yeah... Come on." I said walking faster to my room. He followed.

I sat on the bed as he closed the door and sat next to me. I put my legs on his lap and my arm around his shoulder. "Sooo really... What's wrong with you?" He looked at me biting his lip (it was so sexy!) "My moms need more medication and my brother not helping us out with the bills. So we drowning in debt." He put his head down "The doctors tryna pull the plug ..." I sat there for a bit shocked. "Stephon. I can help your mom you know my parents like her so we can help with th-." "No stop Mani. I knew you were gonna do that. That's why I didn't wanna say anything. We're fine!" He looked away from me.

For a minute I got selfish. So I got off off of him and sat back on my bed where he couldn't touch me. His back was facing me and I could tell he was thinking. Even though I was mad at him for slick yelling at me but I had to realize he was just frustrated with his moms situation. "Stephon I'm serious. I don't want you stressing over that! I hate seeing you worried about how many days your mom has left... I wanna help. "

He stood up and turned around to face me. "IMANI STOP TELLING ME WHAT YOU WANT! I DON'T CARE!" He started to piss me off then "STEPHON I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP! STOP BEING SO DAMN STUBBORN AND TAKE HELP FROM OTHER PEOPLE!" "SEE THAT'S YOUR ISSUE! THAT'S WHERE YOU FUCKED ALL UP AT! NOT EVERYBODY NEEDS HELP! SO JUST LEAVE IT ALONE!"

"Get out." I said as calmly as possible. He put his hands on his head and let out a sigh. "Imani you know I'm going through stuff... I'm sorry." I started tearing up. I wanted to tell him I didn't care but I'd be lying. He put his hands in his pocket and walked over to me. I kept looking down at my feet until he tilted my chin so I could look at him. He kissed me slowly and quietly said "I'll go..." He turned around and began to walk away. I wanted to tell him to stay but I didn't know how. So I stuttered as he walked out the door. "Step... I... I..." Want you to stay. He didn't hear me.

Something then made me realized that I loved him, and no matter what, I didn't want him to leave. But I heard the front door close. So I ran down the stairs and opened the door. It was pouring outside. "STEPHON! COME HERE!" He was at the end of the driveway walking away. He didn't even turn around when I called him. "STEPHON!" I wanted to call him by his government name. But instead I ran outside and up to him.

I put my hand on his shoulder and spun him around. "STEPHON!" I said loud because of the rain. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?" He looked to the left then back at me. "I CANT GIVE YOU ANYTHING! I'M NOT GOOD FOR YOU! I CANT... I CANT!" "You can't what?" I asked putting my hands on his face. He put his forehead to mine and said as low as he could. "I can't give you everything you want..." "Stephon what, what are you talking about? You already have given me everything I want." I knew he didn't feel like it though so I reached up and kissed him until we started making out. He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist as he carried me into the house and up the stairs to my room.

He put me down and I took off his clothes. We were still kissing when he picked me up, put me on the bed, and climbed on top of me. He only had on his boxers and I was just in my bra and panties. In the middle of us kissing we stopped and he whispered "Imani I can't do this." "What?... What you mean? We've done it before..." "I know... But like. I want it to be special. "

I slowly pushed him off of me and sat up. "Stephon. I... I don't know what to tell you... I mean if you feel that way then... That's you and I don't know what to do about it." We sat there in silence for a minute until he turned around and started staring at me. "I got to go." He stood up and messed around trying to put his clothes on. For a minute I couldn't believe what was happening I felt really pissed off about the whole situation. So I crawled to the end of the bed and just looked at him in disbelief. He looked up at me and said "What?" "The fuck you mean what Stephon?..." I yelled. "How in the hell are you gonna come to me on some stupid shit talking about you not enough for me and you can't give me everything I want?... I'm not my fucking mom! And then you get me all hyped up and shit ready to do this just to let me down and say 'you wish it was special'... Like the fuck does that even mean? I'm not a virgin anymore thanks to you! I already had my first time! Its to late to go back and make that night in California more special than it was! And even if that was possible I wouldn't want to go back and change it because I loved it!"

He was just staring at me now in silence. I looked back at him for a while but only grew more frustrated. I ran my fingers thru my hair and bit my bottom lip. "You know what. Just get out... leave... UGH I SHOULD HAVE NEVER CALLED YOU!" He nodded his head and then I slowly felt bad for him. I wanted to run up to him and jump in his arms so we could kiss and makeup but then I wanted to really kick him out. I didn't know what I wanted more so I stood up, put my hands over my face and started crying. He walked over to me and hugged me around my waist and picked me up. I moved my hands from my face and hugged him back. I laid my head on his shoulder and seen my tears get on his shirt.

For a minute we stood there until he let me go and said softly. "I knew this wouldn't work. I'm to much of a mess for you right now and I don't want to put my struggles on you... So I got some business to take care of. " I stood there not knowing what he meant, like if he had just broken up with me or not. "I love you." He said. Then kissed me and walked out before I could even say it back, This time I let him leave.