Weekday Entertainments

Heavenly Mother

My favorite are sunny days, warm, with only a slight breeze to relieve from the blistering heat that plunders over my head and nearly makes me lightheaded. My mom would always take me for walks on those days, I could never stand the heat and attacked her with complaints as she simply held my hand, smiled and told me to enjoy. I don't ever remember being scolded, though I'm sure I said many things worthy of an eternal punishment.

"How is that one?" She points to a bench across the pond, surrounded by mats of flowers and overgrown grass that falls in a dramatically graceful way that makes me want to wiggle my toes through. The sun hits at the perfect angle, I know it'll keep the nape of my neck warm and my head of hair will sting to the touch from the heat. I nod eagerly and take her hand, letting her lead me down the cement path encircling the small pond.

She runs her hands along the front of her white silk robe before sitting, adjusting it and making sure it's at all time wrinkle free and safe from acquiring any. She tucks a lock of hair behind her ear, I offer her the hair clip I'd had in my pocket, knowing she hates having her hair in her face. Her face warms with her smile and she takes it from my hands, clasping our hands together for a brief moment and a content sigh leaves her lips.

"I'm happy." She breathes out, holding one of my hands in her lap, staring out into the rippling water. The golden, flaming sun reflecting on every wave current of the small body of water. Her eyes follow a small family of ducks near the shore, the mother duck nudging her ducklings into the water then hoping in herself and leading them forward.

"Me too. I'm sorry we couldn't do it sooner." My chest swells.

"Oh no need, I mean we're both here now. No use looking back honey..." I want to argue that statement, but she's right.

"You know, before I died, I really wanted to do this one more time with you. And now here you are! That's not to say I'm glad that you died, you know that right?" She turns her shoulders to me and her knees meet mine. She cradles my cheeks in her stringy fingers, stroking my plump skin with her long thumb. I nod, understanding full well what she means, because I felt the same way.

I wanted to sit here with her too, before she died, after she died, before I died.

"I'm sorry, we should have.." I don't meet her eyes and feel the pricks of tears tickle the corners of my eyes. We should have, and it was my choice not to, she always patiently waited, hand held out to me, waiting for me to take hers and let her lead me to peace once again. I missed my chance, I chose not to take it, and thought that it was the wise thing to do. Leave behind my family, the only people I could count on, and make it on my own.

I obviously didn't make it very far.

Dead at twenty-five, isn't much of an accomplishment.

"We're here now." She sucks in a sharp breath, pulls back her threatening tears and pats my hands curtly. I know that means to stop crying, stop pitying myself and enjoy the content moment I'm living in now.

"Yes we are." I break my gaze away from her and admire the beauty of the landscape before me. I take in the light around me, the shimmering water that bounces into my irises and the hot sun that brings my hair to its melting point. The small creatures that move about in their own pace and feed on the pasture around us. I wiggle my toes in the grass and feel the cool moisture of it, a refreshing touch. I feel the palpitating hand holding my own and smile.

Maybe death isn't so bad after all.