Out Loud ||Dan Howell x Reader||

Chapter 2

Phil was right; I really did need a good cry that wasn't about him. I needed to cry from an emotional movie. By the end of the movie, I had finished my ice cream and was silently sobbing. I was glad that the room was utterly dark, cause the two men by me wouldn't be able to see me. Phil paused the credits that were rolling and went to turn the lights on. I didn't have enough time to cover my face as the lights flashed on. The two looked over at me as tears were still streaming down my face.

"Oh no! I didn't mean to make you cry that much, (y/n)!" Phil said, rushing over to me before engulfing me in a hug. I laughed a bit and hugged him back.

"No, Phil, it's fine. Crying like this feels really good right now," I said. Phil released me and stepped back a bit, giving me some room. I picked up my empty carton of ice cream and the two half-eaten ones from the table. "I'll clean this up," I said, making my way out of the lounge and into the kitchen. I placed my spoons and my empty carton in the sink before putting the two half-eaten cartons in the freezer. I turned back to the sink and began to wash the spoons and the empty carton before the glass door behind me opened. I jumped slightly when Dan entered my peripheral vision. I looked up at him as he leaned against the counter next to me.

"How are you feeling?" He asked. I gave him a shrug as I shut off the water.

"I'm fine," I muttered, putting the utensils away while also recycling the empty carton. I looked up once more and, by the look on his face, I could tell that Dan didn't believe me. Then again, he had every right now to believe me. I had barely said a word to him ever since I got here.

"What's wrong, (y/n)?" Dan asked as he stepped closer to me. I fought every will in my body to stay where I was, even though I wanted to step away.

"It's just been a long day, I think I'm going to check in for the night," I avoided the question the best I could. I quickly ducked out and ran up the stairs. When I made it out of the office, I quickly shut the door behind me. What is wrong with me? Why can't I trust Dan? He's my brother's flatmate, his best friend. I should be able to trust him. But after the terrible situation with Isaac, I somehow can't trust him now. Talking to Dan felt so awkward now. I used to be able to have a normal and fun conversation with him. I would be able to crack jokes and be comfortable around him. Now, I have this voice in the back of my mind constantly saying, "He's going to turn on you. He's going to hurt you. He's going to use you. Just. Like. Isaac." I can't make the voice stop. I can't trust him. I can't trust anyone.

But I have to try. I have to try and trust Dan, for Phil's sake. I was shaken from my thoughts when someone knocked on the door. Phil opened the door and gave me yet another concerned look, probably the hundredth alone today. "Is everything okay? Dan said there was something wrong and that you were avoiding him," he asked, closing the door behind him.

"Sorry," I mumbled, sitting on the futon.

"(y/n), what's going on?" Phil sat next to me, though he gave me some space for comfort. I let out a deep breath, not really knowing what to do.

"It's been really hard," I finally said, placing my head in my hands. "I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore, not even Dan. Isaac fucked me up so bad..." I trailed off. Phil rubbed my back in hopes to comfort me as I held back tears. Why was this so hard?

"It's okay, (y/n). You know you can trust Dan," Phil said.

"I know, but this voice keeps telling me that I can't trust him. That I can't trust anyone," I responded.

"(y/n), if Dan did anything to you, I would kill him," Phil added.

"Philip!" I laughed, pulling my face away from my hands. Phil let out a soft chuckle before standing.

"Okay, but seriously, I'm absolutely positive that you'll be fine. Now get some sleep, you look like you need it," Phil said. I gave him a nod and watched him leave the room. I let out a small sigh and opened my suitcase, pulling out some pyjamas and getting changed. I curled up in the blankets before turning on some calming music. Staring at the ceiling, I soon fell asleep.