Heartbroken

Chapter 13:

I ran out deep in the hallway and leaned against the wall, weeping. I heard someone approach and saw that it was Carmen.

"Hey," I muttered, wiping away the tears.

"Hey," Carmen replied. She sat down next to me. "So... why did you say no to Chris? I thought you used to like him."

"Maybe I did," I said. I looked up at her. "Maybe I didn't."

"Is it Luke? Do you still like him after he asked Clarissa to prom?"

IS IT LUKE? I thought to myself. GOOD QUESTION.

"I don't know," I said with a sigh.

"Miranda," Carmen called. I looked up at her. "You think you still have feelings for him?"

"I don't know," I said. "Maybe I do, maybe I don't. I just don't want to go from Luke to Chris so quickly. All I know is that I don't want to go to Prom with the wrong guy."

"So," she said after a moment of silence. "You think Chris isn't the right guy and that you don't want to go back to Luke?"

I looked up at her, annoyed. "Yes Carmen," I said. "That's EXACTLY what I'm saying."

She put her hands up as if to say, 'I'm just asking!' I smiled and looked down. A silence settled between us.

"I don't know what to do," I whispered.

"Carmen looked at me. "What do you mean?"

"What do you mean, 'what do you mean?'" I looked at her. "I said no to a guy who asked me to Prom. Carmen, I DUMPED a guy when he asked ME out to Prom. PROM!" I said sadly, placing my head on my hands. "I feel so..."

"Guilty," Carmen finished.

"Yes," I said. "I feel so guilty and miserable and I feel like a horrible person."

Carmen listened but didn't know what to say.

"Don't be so tough on yourself," she finally said. "I'm sure Chris will understand once you tell him that you're just under pressure and you don't feel like moving into anything that may be gesturing to a relationship." I said nothing. "You ARE going it tell him, aren't you?" Still, I didn't reply.

"Miranda," she said. "You have to explain to him why you said no. If you don't, it'll look like you dumped him on purpose."

"But what if I DID," I asked "What do I do then? Make up an excuse? Or tell him the truth?"

"You'll figure it out," she said. She stood up and helped me get up. The bell rang and we left to go to our next class.

"Wait," Maria said after we explained to her what happened. "You said NO when CHRIS asked you to Prom!?" Apparently, Chris was a big deal in school.

She stood up and looked at me angrily. "Why? WHY did you say no? Miranda, do you even KNOW how many girls would have, without hesitation, taken your place if he asked them out?"

"Why is Chris such a big deal anyway?" Carmen asked.

Maria turned to her. "Why is Chris a big deal!? Chris is super smart, he's in the FOOTBALL TEAM and he's, like, the cutest guy in school!"

"Wow," Carmen said unimpressed. "What a keeper."

"Yes, he is a keeper." She stared off and I followed her gaze and realized she was looking at Chris.

"Do you like Chris?" I asked.

"Who doesn't!?" She answered.

"I don't," Carmen said, raising her hand to make a point.

"Well that's YOUR loss," Maria said.

"You should tell Chris you like him," I said.

"No," Maria said, shaking her head. "He's cute and all, but I don't think he's the one."

"You practically screamed at me when I said 'why is Chris such a big deal," Carmen said. "What are you going to do when you find 'The One?' Yell at the top of your lungs and kill my ears?"

Maria shrugged. "Who knows?" Carmen sighed.

"You two," she said gesturing at Maria and me. "And your crushes are weird and disgusting."

We looked at her as if to say, 'And one way we and our crushes are weird and disgusting is...?' She rolled her eyes.

"You make your crush and they're every move a big deal. For example, 'OH MY GOD, My Crush just asked me to Prom!' Or, 'LOOK, My Crush just smiled at me!' Or even, 'My Crush is staring at me, what do I do!?'"

We rolled our eyes. "Carmen," I said. "We may be weird but you are WEIRDER."

"Thanks," she said sitting back. "I get that a lot." We all laughed.

"But seriously," I said. "What am I going to do?"

"Well," Carmen said, now siting up. "Considering the fact that you just broke someone's heart, you should feel guilty..."

"You're not helping," I said through gritted teeth. She shrugged. I turned to Maria.

"So," I said to her. "What do I do?"

"Yeah," Carmen said. "You seem to be 'The Love Expert' here. Give old 'Heart Breaker' here," she patted my shoulders to say that I was the 'Heart Breaker'. "One of your famous pep talks."

"I think," Maria said, pondering on the thought. "That, on Monday, you should go and tell Chris that you didn't mean to say 'no'. Okay you meant to, but you didn't want to get into any relationship or develop feelings for anyone right now, and that's why you said no. If you don't..." She shrugged. "It'll look like you broke his heart and hopes and dreams on purpose."

"People will think you're a jerk." Carmen added.

"AND you'll never be respected by anyone and you'll be hated by all the girls in school."

"Wow," I said after a moment of processing all the details. I looked at the.m both. "What great advice..."

I spent most of the weekend pondering over how I was going to explain to Chris and craving chocolate. Why I was craving chocolate, I had absolutely NO clue. We went to the mall on Sunday, and unfortunately I kept bumping into Luke. At first, he wouldn't say anything to me, which I wasn't sure was a good or bad thing. But then, we saw each other so frequently that he found it as a way to speak to me.

I exited a store and saw Luke walking in my direction, so I turned away as if I didn't see him.

I began to walk away when I heard him say, "Hey Miranda."

Silently cursing at myself, I turned to see him watching me intently. I couldn't tell if he was happy or disappointed to see him.

"Uh, hi Luke," I said uncomfortably. We stood in silence.

"So, what are you doing at the mall?" Luke asked, breaking the silence.

"Oh," I said I looked around. "You know... searching for wild animals." Silence. "Not really," I said quickly. "Just that you know, why would someone ask why I'm at the mall? Obviously I'm shopping." I cleared my throat, embarrassed of my weak wit. I refused to look at him but when I did, I saw he was smiling.

"Uh huh," he said. He cleared his throat. "So, did you say yes to Chris?"

I didn't speak. Why would Luke ask if I said 'yes'? He should be the one who couldn't care less.

"Why would you like to know...?" I asked.

"Well, you know I just..." Luke stuttered. "I mean I really just..."

I was shocked to see he cared so much about my decision, but suddenly I became angry.

"You know," I said. "If you REALLY want to know what I said, you should ask YOUR PROM date, Clarissa. I'm sure she'll give you ALL the juicy details."

With that, I left, refusing to look back. But I knew, deep inside I wanted to tell him everything, in hope that one day, he'd care.