Our History

Chapter 11

Eyeballs POV

My eyes kept moving quickly as I scanned over the room. I haven't been in here since Denny died.

All the pain and memories came rushing back to me, I was soon consumed in all of the memories we shared.

I shut the door lightly and made my way to his bed. I've done that many times, it was a force of habit. This time though he wasn't here, he never would be again.

"Denny", I whispered out as I sat on his bed.

I missed him so much, I can't function correctly just thinking about him.

Why did he have to die?

I ask myself this question every day.

I never can find an answer.

I got off of the bed, making my way towards Denny's desk when I heard a noise.

"CHRIS!"

It was Gordie moaning Chris's name, original.

I smirked to myself, it was weird. I was once in the same boat as Chris. Fucking the Lachance boy my dad called a pussy, but it still didn't make me stop.

I remember all the times my father would yell at me to take Chris and leave. He would scream that he hated both of us, our mom didn't care. She still doesn't.

So they both would have us leave, they didn't want us there and we didn't want to be there. That house is full of anger and hatred for the both of us, we didn't need any of that.

I remember taking him and helping him climb threw Gordie's window, he probably doesn't remember that.

I began to smile to myself remembering all the memories the four of us shared, the memories that Chris and Gordie forgot.

When I sat down in Denny's desk I began to open the drawer's, I wondered if there was anything he left behind. Maybe a homework assignment, or anything really.

I felt bad for snooping, but I had to find something. I just had too.

I kept scanning over random pieces of paper and books.

I was about to quit my searching when my hand skimmed over an object that felt like a notebook. Me being the curious person I am picked up the book and started looking through to find anything.

But right away I look on the first page and it says

THIS IS NOT A DIARY!!! It is just a journal where I can put my feeling and thoughts down when I can't express them to other people!

BUT just be this is NOT a diary does not mean you can read on!

I began to feel a smile grow across my face, this was Denny. He never really knew how to talk about things or bring them up unless you asked him about certain things.

Should I read on? I began to question myself, I mean Denny did literally put down that he didn't want anybody else to read, but I just know that if he could see me right now he would tell me that it was okay.

Then as if it was Denny telling me I was right, the wind blew in from the window that was closed before.

It didn't freak me out, I knew it was Denny. He did shit like this all the time, and I always knew it was him.

I looked back down at the notebook and began to read a few of the entries.

Entry 1

How do I even start this? I don't wanna write "Dear Diary" or "Dear Journal" because that's gay.

Well, its okay to be gay! I'm gay and I have nothing against it! It's just, yeah I really don't know what to say.

Wait! Why am I even dragging myself down? This is my fucking journal, I can write whatever I want and I shouldn't feel bad about it.

Okay but maybe I do because you shouldn't say shit like that.

Okay, I'm sorry to myself I guess.

Anyways, back on to the topic of why I am even writing in here today.

Okay, so these pages will probably be filled with multiple entries about this boy I like and my little brother.

My eyes shot down to the words "The boys I like".

Was the statement about me, or did he like someone before me? I mean we were friends at first so maybe he liked someone before he realized his true feelings for me.

My little brothers amazing, he may only be 5, but I can tell that he is going to be so smart one day. He always talks about anything and everything he does. He and I hang out a lot whenever I'm not with Richard, well I guess Rich is what I call him.

But anyways, Gordies amazing. He's got shiny brown eyes that light up whenever he sees me or his buddy Chris. It's probably the cutest thing ever.

I smiled to myself, well I guess he hadn't looked in a mirror yet because Denny was the cutest thing ever.

I love my little brother, well I love a lot of people. I love my parents but they favorite me too much, which I find weird because Gordies so smart and he has a good brain. Yeah I guess I'm good in spots, but how far was that gonna take me besides high school?

Eh, who cares. My parents can believe whatever they please. Well I mean if they knew my secret then I know for a fact that I wouldn't be the favorite anymore.

He was always afraid of this I thought to myself. He never wants to tell his parents about his true self and his true feelings because of the fear he had on them hating him if he came out gay.

Well, that's okay, I didn't mind keeping the secret. I had to keep it for a while now, especially ever since I started to develop feelings for my best friend. I talked about him earlier, Rich. He and I have been the best of friends for as long as I remember. We have done everything together, so I guess it wasn't shocking to me when I found out my feelings for him were a lot deeper than a friendship.

I still remember the day it happened, we were down by the lake. I was noticing different things about him like I enjoyed everything he did and said lately. Almost like he could talk about literally killing someone and I would totally agree because I was so lost in his voice.

But anyways, we were both stripped down to our underwear since we had forgotten to grab swimming trunks. Then right before we jumped in I grabbed his hand and we jumped.

After the jump, neither of us let go until we had to wipe the lake water from our eyes. But even after that, I found myself grabbing him or just touching him. He also didn't care, it was a really weird but enjoyable thing.

Well now I have to go, Rich is coming over to stay the night. He probably bringing his little brother and Gordie's best friend, Chris, over.

Bye!

I began to skim over the 1st entry just one more time.

I remembered that day, I remember every time we touched our held hands. It was a fun and confusing day for both of us, but the funniest part was that we both came out to each other that night. It was also the night we lost our virginities, only being 12.

It was really young but we were friends for a long time, plus I was about to be 13.

I closed the notebook then ran my hands over it a few times. I needed to keep this and read it, I will then give it to Gordie.

I should tell Gordie about this first but I need to read it with out anybody knowing.

Only Denny and I needed to know about this, it can be one of the thousands of secrets we share.

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Heres Chapter 11!

Enjoy! ❤