Twenty Øne Piløts||Imagines

Panic! At the Music Video//Tyler

Word Count: 1234

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The set of a Twenty One Pilots was a busy, busy place. And this one was no exception. I found myself on the set of the Holding On to You music video, surrounded by half-clothed people with their faces painted like skeletons.

As I rushed around, helping coordinate and set up everything, while the actors, along with Tyler and Josh, got ready, I couldn't help but worry for Tyler. I had been asked to help with several music videos in the past, but none of them had been anything like this. Some of the shots we were supposed to film today were... difficult to say the least. I was on the regular touring crew with the band, and though I wouldn't claim to be really close with the boys, I would consider them friends, and Tyler and I had had a few long conversations about the problems that we shared. I knew quite a bit about his dark past with depression and the struggles he still dealt with because of anxiety.

Today made me really nervous for him.

I kept a close eye on him throughout the morning, as we shot the opening scene as well as a few scenes of just him singing and a couple with the dancers. After we took a break for lunch, it came time for some of the more difficult shots.

When they unboxed the noose and pulled it out, the look on his face as he watched them made my heart sink to my feet. A mix of fear and pure sadness was displayed on his face. I could tell he was a bit wary as they instructed him on where he was supposed to be and what to do. The fearful frown never left his face.

I tapped my foot they had him lay there and a man gently put the noose over his head. He was visibly uncomfortable with the whole situation but put on a tough face for the shot. The moment the shot was over, he pulled the rope over his heading, sitting up and placing his head in his hands with his shoulders slumped over. I silently debated going to him to see if he was okay, uncertain if he would want me to talk to him right now or not, but the director was quick to go crouch beside him. Moments later, I saw the two of them laughing lightly, the director having said something to cheer him up.

There were a couple more shots with the noose, but the hardest part of that had passed, and it seemed Tyler was able to push through it without much trouble.

Then we set up for the shot the really worried me. Yes, the idea of the noose was extremely difficult and a hard thing to deal with, but I feared that this would send Tyler into a full-fledged panic attack.

He was kneeled on the ground with a about a dozen of the dancers surrounded him, a camera right in front of his face. The dancers had their hands all around him, and when the director called action, they all began grabbing at Tyler, on his face, shoulders, neck, chest—anything they could get a hold of. I immediately spotted the look of panic on his face, though he did his best to hide it for the video.

When the shot was over, I caught him anxiously glancing between Josh and the camera, and my heart broke. They quickly set up for another shot, and began filming, the dancers grabbing him in any way they could, but this time he didn't do so well at hiding the panic on his face. He tried to keep lip syncing with the music, but he cut off several times as if he couldn't breathe. His eyes shined with tears. Then I realized.

Tyler was having a panic attack.

I looked around the room, urgently searching for Josh—he would know what to do in this situation— to help him. One of the makeup artists had taken him somewhere else to paint his face, and he was nowhere to be found.

I took matters into my hands, jogging over to the director, and leaning to whisper into his ear.

"You have to stop the take right now," I told him frantically. "You have to get them off of him."

The director looked at me, obviously confused by my demand.

"He's having a panic attack. Can't you see?" I gestured to Tyler who was looking more and more terrified by the second, and the director's eyes went wide as he realized. "Tell them to stop!"

"Cut!" he yelled, and I rushed around the camera before the take was even over, pulling the hands of a few dancers off of Tyler's body before I grabbed his hand, pulling him with me away from the set.

I led him outside, hoping the fresh air would help, gently encouraging him to sit on the ground, leaning against the wall, and I sat in front of him, facing him as he took shallow, wheezing breaths.

"Tyler, hey hey," I said softly, trying to calm him. "It's going to be okay. You're okay. You're safe." I put my hands on his cheeks, wiping a tear away with my thumb.

"Come on, deep breaths. You can do it," I inhaled deeply, showing him what I meant, and he followed my example, breathing shakily.

After a few minutes of just breathing together, Tyler was finally breathing normally, but the tears continued to spill down his face. I pulled him into a hug, his head buried in my shoulder and rubbed his back slowly with one hand, the other gently resting on his head. He held tightly onto my arm as he cried into my shoulder

"It's okay. I know that shot was awful, and I know there's been a lot of really hard stuff today. I'm so sorry," I could hear his muffled sobs.

Josh barged through the doors Tyler and I had come through mere minutes ago. Looking frantically around the parking lot before he spotted us sitting on the ground. I could see the worry and pain on his face as he slowly approached us, sitting down on Tyler's other side.

He gently rested his hand on Tyler's knee to let him know he was there, not saying a word.

Not long after, Tyler's cries ceased, and he sat up fully, rubbing his face. His eyes were puffy and red, and I glanced at Josh before facing Tyler again.

"Are you gonna be okay?" Josh asked him. "It's okay if you want to go ahead and call it a day. We can come back and finish the video tomorrow."

Tyler just shook his head. "No, I just... I need a minute."

"That's completely fine. I'll go let everyone know it'll be a bit and see if we can't get some of the shots with only the dancers done." I gave him a reassuring smile.

Tyler quickly grabbed my hand, looking into my eyes. "Thank you... so much." He gave a weak smile, which I returned, squeezing his hand.

"You would've done the same for me," I pulled him into one last tight hug before I stood up "Take as long as you need, okay?"

And with that, I walked back into the building to buy Tyler as much time as I could.