Fading Out (poems about life)

Again

It's always there,
That elephant in the room,
The pang of loss behind a smile,
And the bright, brittle voices
Dancing round the subjects
That no one talks about.

Alert, anxious,
Our eyes slide from one another,
Waiting for that moment
When a mask slips
And someone's true sadness
Shows through.
A snap of self-reproach,
"Just brighten up, don't make this all about you."
But it's too late,
They know about it now,
The awkward glances of pity,
And raised eyebrows,
A flush crawls up their necks and faces.

And you want to run, to cry,
Because you don't want them to think of you that way.

But the judgement comes
And the shame floods through you
Self-repulsion flowing through your veins.
"Not again."
And you have to try again,
But you know too well,
There's no such thing as a fresh start.

Your past will haunt you
Wherever you go.