Fading Out (poems about life)

Coping Mechanisms (Trigger Warning)

They say the urges go away, but they never do.

She lies under the sheets, fragile and worn.
Her eyes are dark from exhaustion,
And thoughts running through her head.

Sleep seems to be evading her, these days.

There's an emptiness sitting in the middle of her chest, painfully reminding her of the situation she's in,
The demons she's yet to face.

She knows there's no way out this time,
And that scares her.
Trapped like a rat in the corner,
Surrounded by all the emotion that she's been running from.
Years of suppressed pain, betrayal and rage,
All coming back to bite her again.

At times like this, it's all she can think of.
She almost misses it;
The ring of purple bruising around her neck,
The chemicals burning her skin.
Being tantalisingly close to freedom.

She doesn't have the courage to do that again.
But that doesn't mean she's not plagued,
Night and day,
By the same old urges, the thought that maybe,
Just maybe,
It could make it all better for her.

She prays for a way to free herself,
Erase the memories, sew up old wounds,
Find a miraculous thread of self-worth
To grasp on to.

But it feels like all the pain is heaped on her shoulders, suffocating her,
Crushing her with its weight.
The worst part is, she must carry this weight alone.
Nobody can fight this battle for her.

She pulls the sheets over her head, desperately trying to block out the thoughts.
Desperately trying to convince herself
that giving up is not an option.

The words don't feel true, but she repeats them over and over, until they ring in her ears and buzz in her brain like wasps.
There's nothing else that she can do any more.