Fading Out (poems about life)

Disappear

I can feel my heart beating,
Faster than it normally does, than it should;
There's a twist of anxiety in my stomach,
Tying knots of nervousness in my intestines.
I press my fingers deeper into my wrist,
Feeling my blood pump under the skin
In time with my heart.
I count the beats in my head,
Mouth carefully set in place, blank, expressionless.

I can't look up, not at the kind eyes,
The sympathetic faces and soothing words.
I can feel their eyes on me, reading me,
Their gazes sitting atop my skull
Like the circlet of an invisible crown;
Weighted down into my skin, my hair.

They're waiting, now,
For any sort of reaction,
Any notion that I've heard,
That I'm not frozen in time, in fear.

Silence.
I keep my eyes glued to the floor,
Shaking slightly.
I must not cry, I must not cry.
I repeat this mantra in my head, even as the tears begin to well.

The floor turns from clear and focused
To a blurry, liquid meniscus of tears.
Caught in stasis, like a fly in amber -
I can't move, can't look up;
Focused on the feeling of hot, acidic droplets
Swelling carelessly from my eyes,
Burning pathways down my cheeks.

The room fills with a burning silence,
And nobody is brave enough to break it.
I want to disappear forever.