Fading Out (poems about life)

Hospital

If you get triggered by talk of suicide, hospitals, and topics of that ilk, please do not read on. This chapter may be distressing to some and if you are someone who finds this content too upsetting, maybe check out some other books on here. I want to share this because hopefully it might stop someone doing what I did, hospital is the last place you want to be and it can be incredibly traumatic for someone with mental illness, so please, if you feel suicidal, talk to someone! Reach out for help, because you don't want to be in this situation - anything is better than that. Read at your own caution, and stay strong.

Poisoned,
My heart is beating
At a rate too fast for my body.
Skin so hot it burns their hands,
As they try to connect me to the wires.
I don't know whether I'm alive or dead,
Wheezing, panting, shaking,
In this cold hospital bed.

I'm screaming, screaming,
Jerking away from their touch.
I try to run, then hit the ground
As my legs give way underneath me.
Cold, clinical hands pull me up,
Gripping me firmly enough to warn me.
"Please, I just want to go home."

Hallucinations find their way in,
I bargain with the nurses, doctors,
Kicking, screaming, shouting for help,
In full-on panic mode.
Still fighting even when I can't lift my head
And my vision fades to black.

I'm slurring my words now,
Salt stings my burning cheeks,
And I realise I'm surrounded
By a ring of uniformed strangers.
The last flutter of hope in my chest
Swiftly and brutally dies.
And all I can do is sit there,
Crying.

What have I done?