Can't Say... (A Pentatonix FanFiction)

Chapter 2

Esther's POV

Somethings up with Avi... I should know right? I am his older sister after all. Ever since the night club, he's been so distant from everyone. He shut everyone out and hasn't answered anybody's calls and I'm worried about him. Not even I can get to him and that's saying something. We've been best friends since he was born! Sure I hated him at first and he was always annoying me whenever he could but that's what little brothers were for! Being cheeky little rascals. But now... I don't know what's wrong with him. He's just quiet and it's worrying! He still gives a hundred per cent in performances but that's only because he doesn't want to worry the fans, he wants them to think that he's OK but really. He looks... I dunno...

Avi's POV

Damaged... far too damaged. (more references! if you don't understand that one i will E N D you!!) I don't remember what happened but I know it was something awful. I only recall snippets of it but I don't want to... It hurts... and the worst part is that it's not the first time. I will never understand why he does this but I will understand one thing...

Life isn't the same...

The last was worse than the others but it always had the same result. I don't want to talk about it. Everyone's been worrying about me but who can blame them. I can't face them, not now. I've been making it in rehearsals and during shows but being on tour has never been the same. Esther tries to talk to me but I just don't know what to say to her without bursting into tears since the night club is what everyone wants to talk about. Well... except the Trio but that's only because they have absolutely no idea about what happened during the night apart from they got very drunk.

I was doing the usual thing of laying in my bunk, staring into nothing with the curtains pulled back staring at the bunk above me, just relaxing when Kirstie came bounding up, I didn't hear her at first but then she pulled back the curtain and that scared the hell out of me.

"Sorry, but Esther says that we have rehearsals later so you need to get re--"

There was a loud door slamming and I had an immediate flashback

FLASHBACK

The door slammed and I was slightly out of it, I barely know what's going on around me but I can feel someone hovering above me and is it just me or am I getting colder... *BLACKSOUT*

END OF FLASHBACK

Kirstie's POV 

There was a slamming door at the end of the bus and Avi started panicking and curled up in the far corner, his breathing was laboured and he was...whimpering?... Was he? He couldn't be?

No.

He's having an anxiety attack.

Why though? Esther said he hadn't had one in years! I wish i could help but she said there was a certain way with dealing with his attacks because they were so severe. I ran to the lounge and Esther was perched on the couch checking her Emails. She noticed me and sighed.

"He not up?"

"He is but... he... he's having an anxiety attack and you need to help him it looks really bad."

To say that she was shocked was very much an understatement. 

"he hasn't had one in years"

She ran right past me to the bunks and kneeled in front of him, brushing his bangs out of his face and smoothing his hair. Scott walked up behind me, clearly noticing the situation.

"Anxiety?"

I nodded.

"He hasn't had one in years. I wonder what happened."

"A door slammed somewhere and it just happened."

"A slamming door? That's..."

"I know."

Esther soon sat up and pulled the trembling man into a warm hug. Kevin came out of the lounge to talk to us.

"Hey, Mitch needs you guys to help with something song related. He won't tell me what it is but he wants me to get you."

Scott and I both left for the lounge to help him with whatever song he needed help with.

Avi's POV

I don't recall Esther being here but Kirstie must've called her cause now I'm wrapped up in her arms and she's rocking me back and forth whispering in my ear. She smells like lavender and it reminds me of when I came home from school, crying sometimes, she hugged me and that smell of lavender and roses filled my senses. It was calming growing up with that smell, Mum had it too. The others left the doorway and, thank you, Scott, closed the door on the way out. Esther pulled back from me and sat down before handing me a water bottle.

"there, now what happened for you to go into such a bad anxiety attack? you haven't had one for years."

"door. loud."

I couldn't speak, I was in far too much shock to be able to form a proper sentence, the flashback still fresh in my memory.

"slamming doors? Wha-"

"it doesn't matter. forget it."

I stood to leave but fell to the floor before I could even try to take a step towards the door and Esther caught me.

"you can't even walk properly!"

"can i ever after an attack?"

"well no but-"

"just drop it."

I stood and wobbled to put some clothes on. Classic black outfit with the beanie. Nothing special.

Rehearsals were a blur and before we knew it, we were back on the bus and getting on with our tour life. Scott wanted us to watch a movie just to wind down a little bit after the long day but I decided against it and went back to my bunk after pulling on a shirt and some tracks. After the flashback, I remember a small piece of the night but it's still so blurry and confusing.  Nothing made sense and I feel like I won't ever understand it. I remember the only thing I can remember was the pain and the excessive cold. There is nothing else I can remember, only certain things that can trigger my memory but I don't wanna know what they are. But nothing makes sense and I really want it to but... I'm scared of what happened. I'm just trying not to think about it. Tomorrow is an extremely busy day and we have a few shows before heading to Tennessee to continue the tour. I didn't feel it but my eyes drift closed and I feel a tear running down my face, another night, another nightmare that wouldn't make sense and I would never understand it.

I was shaken awake by someone yelling my name.

"Avriel!"

I shot up. I was sweating and there seemed to be tears running down my cheeks and I was trembling. Esther was stood on Mitch's bunk and looking at me with worried eyes.

"What happened?"

"You were whimpering and muttering something in your sleep. What was it?"

I was quiet for a moment. What did happen?

"I dunno.."

"It seemed pretty bad though, babe." 

Kevin was sat up in his bunk and looking through his curtain, The Trio was still asleep though. I knew it was about the night club incident but I have no idea what it was, it was a blur, but not a complete one. I saw a bit more than what I remember and it was... horrifying... I don't even want to know anything else that happened that night.

"it's ok esther, i just wanna go back to bed."

I closed my curtain and turned my back towards them both. I heard Esther audibly sigh and went back to her bunk. Kevin closed his curtain and went back to his bed. I fell back asleep, the same dream happened only this time I wasn't woken up. I blacked out and woke up in my bunk. There were silent tears streaming down my face. Good thing today was a day off.

This would still be a very long day.