Can't Say... (A Pentatonix FanFiction)

Chapter 3

Kirstie's POV:

Today was a day off and we all decided to go around Tennessee and sight see a bit before we have to get back to recording. Everyone but Avi. He is being super weird right now I mean I don't remember the night club at all, only because, Scotty, Mitchie and I were drunk as hell but that's beside the point, he's been so far away ever since. We went to a beach nearby and everyone was playing in the water or sunbathing/tanning. I wasn't into many of those things and Kevin was walking behind them all taking in the beauty of it all before we went back to the bus. I pulled him aside to talk to I as the others ran off.

"i need to speak with you about avi."

"if you're going to ask me about why he's been acting so weird lately. i dunno why he is either."

"it's just... i wish he'd talk to us i really want to know why he is so..."

"distant?"

It was true. He was distant lately. I wish he would tell me why

"yeah. distant.. i just can't..."

"like he is here but his soul isn't... he just seems so... far gone..."

We were silent for a minute before Kevin spoke up again.

"i'll talk to him when we get back."

Perfect timing. Scott being so pale had burned slightly and Esther had only just noticed when she placed a hand on his shoulder and he jumped back and fell into the sea. Mitch was laughing of course but Esther had suggested we all go back to the bus.

Kevin's POV

We walked through the bus all going to separate rooms. I went to find Avi, luckily he was just chilling in his bunk. I tapped his shoulder gently and he looked over at me. His eyes are so dark it's scary. 

"hey, i just wanna check up on you."

He just shrugged and looked away again.

"hey come on. i just wanted to see if you're ok. you barely talk to anyone dear."

I cupped his hands in mine and he looked back at me, his eyes shining a little bit more than before but not as much.

"tell me what's wrong. i'm always there to listen to ya, babes."

"i don't know."

They seemed to have just slipped out his mouth like he had rehearsed them over and over.

"what do you mean?" (by Justin Beiber)

"i mean that i don't even know what happened to upset me."

Avi's POV

Lies, Avriel.

Kevin's POV

"ok then... well... if you want to talk to me... you know i am always here for you babybass."

I left him alone to rest since that must be what he wants at the moment. I went to the Trio who were perched on the couch in the living room watching Finding Dory. don't ask me why they chose that but hey! Leave them be. It's not my place to judge them anyway. I sat next to Scott who had his burns treated by Esther and was staring intently at the screen. Kids. I just stared at the screen.

Avi's POV:

Liar. Weak. Defenceless. I could go on but I don't want to. I'm scared of what everyone will think of me when they find out about the night club incident. I don't like thinking about it but it's affected everything about me.

My mental state. My physical state. My behaviour. My presence both physically and mentally. Everything. I can't even begin to think about the consequences without having an anxiety attack.

What will the others think when they know? Kevin will hate me and they'll all be disappointed. Esther will be the hardest one to accept because she's my best friend. We have been since I was born. She was 2 and hated me. But she learnt soon enough, after trying to ship me to Mumbai (don't ask...), that I wasn't going anywhere and she didn't like it at first but I grew on her and she loved me. We were best friends and did so much together and we both cried when she had to go to nursery for the first time, but I was overjoyed when she came home and we talked and played for the rest of the day and we always did that. Primary wasn't fun since the kids picked on me for being Jewish and Secondary was no different. College was easier but I still got those mean, snide remarks from others every once in a while.

I started to think about everyone leaving me and being alone. Scott would kick me from the group and Kevin would walk out on me. Esther would never speak to me again and she would be embarrassed and ashamed to be called my sister. I began panicking again and I was soon having an anxiety attack. I was crying and my eyes were closed. I could only hear my own thoughts.

Worthless.

Liar.

Unworthy.

Defenceless.

Piece of shit.

Scum of the earth.

Someone was shaking me. I opened my eyes and turned my head. Esther. She must've heard. I didn't know what to do but I leapt into her arms locking onto her in a tight hug and sobbed into her shirt. She sat on the floor and began to cradle me in her arms.

"shh. there-there, sweetie."

She was such a mum I would be thrilled if she became one.

"what happened, av?"

She pulled me back to look into my eyes and kissed both tear tracks.

"i.... negative thoughts... they're loud... i'm sorry..."

She looked so sad. I made her sad. Just like I'll do to her if she knew about the night club.

"don't be sorry, baby boy. We need to get you more meds again."

I nodded and she put me back to bed but in the larger, spare bunk. What was she planning?

I had slept for a couple hours before I felt someone laying beside me and pulling me into their chest. I panicked a little and turned to see who was there.

Esther. She was laying next to me. She did this when I had a really bad attack at night when we were kids. She would curl up next to me in my bed and she would cuddle me close to her chest to breathe in her smell, Lavender and Roses, of course. She was warm too. As usual. I fell asleep again and slept like a baby. She would be getting my meds tomorrow. She spoke to my GP about it and said I need to go back on them which upset her a bit since I was doing so well but everyone relapses sometimes right?

I just hope they aren't too strong.

----------------------------------------------

Hello readers and royalties!

Listen, these past two weeks have been non-stop updates and chapters from me but that's going to have to stop since I go back to school tomorrow😭😭. Sad but that's ok because I have xYumiixx to keep me company so that's alright. But I won't be able to update so much for yall which is very sad but I always have the weekends so I'll still be around😁😁. But I hope you enjoyed this chapter and as always Stay Royal my Royalties👑👑👑~~