Innocence is just her disguise (Sadie Bane)

32

"Sadie, wake up!" I feel someone shaking my shoulders as I shoot my eyes open. My eyes meet blue ones that instantly calm me down.

I gasp for air and quickly shoot my head around realizing I'm in my bed in my bedroom. But the spot I'm laying in is soaked in sweat. I realize I'm crying when a warm, salty tear slips into my mouth.

"Are you okay?" Carlos asks but I don't move. I feel paralyzed. "What were you dreaming about?"

The scene of the knife into her chest replays in my head again and I scream, shaking my head to try and get the image out of my head.

"Hey, shh. It was just a dream. It's okay." He pulls me so I'm sitting up against his chest and he caresses my back.

"Carlos." I choke out, curling up in his lap.

"Yeah?" He asks.

"I-I had a nightmare." I whisper.

"I know." He nods, squeezing me. What was it about?"

"M-my m-mom." I stammer and feel him tense.

"Your mom?" I nod. "Oh." He reaches over and flips the lamp on so I can finally see his face.

"Do you want me to get your dad?" I shake my head. I can't talk to Dad about this. It's a sensitive topic to all of us. "Do you need a drink?" I shake my head again. "Are you hungry?"

"No."

"Do you want Adam?"

"No Carlos. I don't want anything. I... I just want to lay here and calm down." I take a deep, shaky breath. "Are you sure?" I nod. "Ok." He brings the blanket up to my neck and continues holding me as we sit there in silence.

Not too far into the silence, nausea overwhelms me. "Carlos," I groan, punching my eyes together.

"Yes?" "I need to go to the bathroom." I say covering my mouth with my hand. I'm assuming he got the message since he picked me up and ran me out of my room, to the bathroom and set me down in front of the toilet just in time for me to vomit my guts out into it.

Once I finish I flush the toilet and sit there on my knees, staring at the white granite floor. Carlos bends down next to me and wipes my mouth with a cloth.

"Do you feel better?" He asks. I shake my head. "Do you want to lay back down?"

"No." "Do you want some mouthwash?" I slowly look at him to see a smile playing at his lips.

"Nothing's funny right now Carlos." I mutter looking away.

"I wasn't trying to be funny. I was just asking because your breath probably tastes terrible." I sigh and close my eyes, which was a big mistake because I just saw my mom getting murdered again. Why won't it leave my head?!

I fall into Carlos's arms, almost knocking him over but he leans against the wall and sits there.

"I was five." I say. "Five years old when she died." I feel him tense again.

"My mom and I were kidnapped together by the rival gang. And when I woke up we were in this basement. No, it was a torture room."

"You don't have to tell me Sadie." He says slowly but I shake my head and continue. Maybe if I tell someone it will leave me alone.

"So Luther- he was the gang leader then- he came and he... he stabbed her with a big sharp knife. And I watched the whole thing." I start crying again. "It was awful Carlos. I saw everything happen. I saw my own mother get murdered! And I was five years old!" I croak. Does he understand what I went through? Does anyone understand?

He embraces me in a big hug and holds me tightly.

"At least you survived though, right?" He tried to get me to look on the bright side.

"No. I wish they killed me with her so I wouldn't have ever had to live through constant reminders of that night. And I grew up to be just like Luther! A cruel, heartless bastard!" I shake my head vigorously. This is all slithers fault!

"No," Carlos says sternly. "Luther's a bitch who deserves to burn in Hell for all eternity. You're a crazy, mean girl who's scary but on the inside you're sweet and caring. He's just heartless. You actually have a heart, you just don't know how to show it." He explains. I sniffle.

"Really?" I look into his angry blue eyes.

"Really." He gives me a small smile. "Are you feeling better now?"

"Some."

"Enough to go lay back down."

"I guess."

He helps me up and we walk back to my room and bury ourselves under the covers of my bed. He places a kiss on my forehead and turns the light back off as I snuggle up against him. My Carlos.