Innocence is just her disguise (Sadie Bane)

23

For the past few days I've been laying in my bed on my stomach with my face dug into my soaking wet pillow.

"Sadie." I hear. I lift my head and look at my dad who's standing in the doorway.

"Go away! Can't you see I'm busy?!" I scream.

"Sadie, you need to relax. He's just some stupid boy." He says, rolling his eyes.

"Just some stupid boy who I really like for some weird reason!"

"Look, it's a crush. Everyone goes through it. Especially at your age. You're going to be okay."

"No I'm not! I wasn't okay to begin with! He's a bitch!"

"So why are you so upset about it?"

"Because I fucking like that bitch!" He sighs and walks away, giving up on me. Good. I've given up on myself too.

"Hey, Sadie." I hear a deep voice, but it's not my dad this time, it's Adam.

"What do you want Adam?" I ask with my face in my pillow.

"Just thought you could use a nice friend." He says.

"No. I could use a gun and a person. And then to kill that person with that gun."

"Ok, let's not do that."

"Fuck it. I do what I want." I've always done whatever I wanted. Why would I stop now?

"Can you look at me?" He asks.

"No." I grumble.

I feel the spot on the bed sink in next to me and then I feel him rub the back of my leg up and down as he tries to calm me down.

"How'd you know about it?" I sigh.

"Your dad called and said, and I quote, my daughter is a miserable mess, please fix this." I shake my head.

"It's no use."

"Yes it is. I'm your best friend and as your best friend I'm going to help you." I roll my eyes.

I roll over on my back and look at him, making his eyebrows raise up.

"I haven't seen you cry in... like forever." He gasps staring at me with his brown eyes.

"Why am I so sad Adam?" I ask looking at the ceiling.

"Because you have a crush. And when someone has a crush they really want that person. And when something like that happens they get really upset. You got rejected pretty much. It hurts to be rejected." He explains.

"I got rejected?" He nods and my lips start quivering. That's pathetic. Sadie Bane never gets rejected.

"But it's going to be okay." Adam quickly says, rubbing my leg again.

"How long will I feel like this?"

"Probably around two weeks. Or a month. I have no clue. How long have you liked him?"

"Since I got kidnapped by the other gang."

"Ah. Well you'll be fine soon. You'll feel really awful now but as time passes you'll feel better and you'll look back at this moment and realize that it was stupid."

"I'm stupid."

"No you're not."

"Yes I am. Why'd I kiss him?! If I just didn't do that then I wouldn't be so upset!" I whimper.

"Hey." He says softly as he lays down beside me and faces me. "Carlos Colby is just a stupid boy who doesn't care about anyone but himself. Don't let him make you upset." He reminds me.

"That's so untrue." I cry. "He did care about others. H-he helped me when I accidentally cut my stomach at this party. A-and he helped rescue me from the other gang. A-and he was just so nice to me when I was just such a bitch to him! Why did he continue being nice when all I did was yell at him? I don't get it." I sob into Adams shoulder.

"You know what he told me?" I ask.

"What did he tell you?" He asks, tilting his head.

"He said that he liked the old Sadie better than the new one. What does that even mean?!"

"It probably means he likes the way you were before and since you were acting all nice to him he didn't like that."

"Why?"

"I don't know. Ask him."

"I am not asking him. I'm never talking to him again. I've never felt that embarrassed in my entire life." He pulls me to him and hugs me tightly.

"He wants Clara, not me."

"Who's Clara?"

"The first girl I punched when I was still new to the school."

"Oh yeah." He nods.

"He wants Clara. Everyone wants Clara. I hate that girl. Can I kill her?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because it's just not the right thing to do."

"But I've been killing like my whole life."

"It's not a good thing to do." He repeats and I roll my eyes.

"Whatever."