The Beard

Chapter Eight

I stood outside Sebastian's car with my arms crossed. My bag was starting to weigh down on me, the straps hurting my shoulders and making them sore. Soon a presence was felt behind me. With a split second glance, I could see Sebastian looking down guiltily. He gave a small sigh before he walked away and to the other side of the car. Unlocking the car, he clicked a button to unlock my side.

I pulled the door open and took a seat, pulling my bag off and setting it on the floor mat. We were silent for a bit. I had a feeling that neither of us would be going to class today. All of this drama is proving bad for my grades. There's going to be so much makeup work since we have six different classes.

Once Sebastian walked around and got in the car, I wasted no time turning towards him. I waited, hoping he would speak first. When no explanation came, I knew I'd have to force the answers out of him. I hated feeling like I couldn't even talk to him easily. He's one of my best friends and I love him.

I take a deep breath and clear my throat. "Why?" I ask first of all. Perhaps this would make it easier for him.

"I didn't ask to be gay, Emie." He mumbles, shaking his head.

I'm flabbergasted by his answer. I can feel my eyebrows are furrowed and my mouth is dropped opened. It only just now occurs to me that Sebastian believes that I'm angry at him for being gay. How could he think that? I would never judge him for his sexual orientation. I was angry, yes, but because he had used me all these years. Not to mention, he technically cheated on me and he didn't even seem remorseful. That's why I'm so upset, not because he's gay.

"Jesus, Sebastian." I scoff and look away from him. "Do you think so low of me? That I would hate you for liking guys?"

When I look back over at him, he's staring over at me with a puppy dog expression. He just looks so discouraged and it breaks my heart. His eyes have tears in them and I'm not sure if it's because he's ashamed or scared.

"Emie...I'm sorry, okay?" He shakes his head. "This is no excuse, but you know how small towns can be. You know my parents...I just...I thought you'd be the same. Your reaction yesterday..."

I lift my hand up to cover his mouth. "You listen and you listen well, Sebastian Caldwell." I give him a look, hoping it's intense enough for him to understand me. I want my feeling to permeate through him. "I'm not mad because you like guys. I don't care if you like guys, girls, both, or whatever.

I care that you used me for so long. You took my feelings and turned that into a cover for you and that's not okay. I love you, Sebastian. I'm in love with you and I hate that you don't feel the same way. I hate that I believed that you did love me, that you made me feel that way only to take my heart and break it. I trusted you with something so fragile. If you had just talked to me so much earlier."

A lone tear falls from my left eye. I had read somewhere once that when a tear falls from your left eye first, it symbolizes pain. If that's true then it's one hundred percent correct because I feel nothing but pain right now.

Sebastian chokes up, tears falling from his own eyes. A sob leaves him as he presses his head against the steering wheel. His shoulder shake violently as he lets it all out. It's terrible that he had to feel all of this by himself. I would've bared his pain with him.

I lift my hand and place it on his back, rubbing it and hoping he'd find comfort.

"I hate myself, Emie." Sebastian stutters out, a cough leaving him from his cries. "I hate what I am. I don't want to be gay, fuck."

I gasp in horror. "Sebastian!"

He lifts his head from the steering wheel. His eyes look angry now, red and irritated. Tears still fall, but I'd say it's more frustration now. With a shake of his head, his arm bursts from his side and shooting for the steering wheel. His fist lands on the curve, emitting a small thud from the impact and making me jump. Sebastian's chest is moving rapidly.