Harry Potter I: Facebook Feed Edition

Chapter 8

Seamus Finnigan wrote on We go to Hogwarts!'s wall: Spotted: Harry-AMG-Savior-Potter walking to Potions xoxo.

(Neville Longbottom, Hermione Jean Granger, Ronald Weasley, and 147 others like this.)

Dean Thomas:I think I see him!

Seamus Finnigan:He's next to the tall kid with the red hair.

Dean Thomas:GOT HIM. Awesome.

Ronald Weasley:Why do I feel like I will forever live my life as "the tall kid with the red hair next to Harry Potter?"

Seamus Finnigan:Yeah, you see? He's got glasses.

Dean Thomas:Yep...did you see his SCAR!

Ronald Weasley:Fan-fucking-tastic.

Hermione Jean Granger:You'll always be Ronald Weasley to me.

Ronald Weasley:Yeah, that's not the sort of comfort I need right now, crazy.

____________________________________________________________

Harry Potter honestly wants these whispers to stop. It's so distracting! I'm trying to find my way to my classes, people! (sent from mobile)

Dudley Dursley:Schizo now, huh, Pothead? Heh.

Harry Potter:I don't need this, Dudley. My tummy feels all scared and stuff.

Dudley Dursley:Grow a pair, Pothead.

Harry Potter:Grow a brain.

Dudley Dursley:Real original, nerd. I'm gonna go back to eating my chocolate covered bacon.

Harry Potter:Why does that not surprise me in the slightest?

Dudley Dursley:Cause it's the breakfast of champions, fool!

____________________________________________________________

Dudley Dursley became a fan of chocolate covered bacon for breakfast.

Dudley Dursley wrote on Young boys with fat bastard fathers and eating disorders' wall: My fat bastard dad tried to steal some of my chocolate covered bacon. Now I feel like sticking my fingers down my throat...advice?

____________________________________________________________

Harry Potter Wow! There are 142 staircases at Hogwarts! They've got wide ones and sweeping ones and narrow ones and rickety ones! Some that lead places on Friday, some with vanishing steps halfway up so you have to jump!

Harry Potter:Wait...why do I feel like I'm trapped in a Dr. Seuss book?

Ronald Weasley:Who's Dr. Seuss? (Let me clarify, I'm asking Harry, not giving you an excuse to flaunt your disgusting intellect, GRANGER.)

Hermione Jean Granger:I don't really give a shit and I will flaunt my intellect for all of the world to see whenever I choose. Theodor Seuss Geisel was an American writer and cartoonist most widely known for his children's books, written under the pen names Dr. Seuss, Theo LeSieg, and even Rosetta Stone! He published over 60 children's books, which were often characterized by imaginative characters, rhyme, and the trisyllabic meter. The book I think Harry is trying to refer to is One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish...you know, with the repetitive way in which he lists the types of stairs that exist here?